This Article Has More Hits Than Any Other Article, Ever


The other night my friend, Dave, hit me with a text: “Let’s hit the town!” His suggestion hit home, because I’d been hitting the books most of the afternoon, and a couple of drinks would hit the spot right about now. So I hit him back: “You hit the nail on the head! Let’s go hit the casino!” I pulled up in front of his place and hit the horn to let him know I was there. As he got in the car, he asked if he could hit me up for a few bucks. I swear, the guy has hit an all time low!

Then we hit the road, with the radio cranking out hit songs, like “Hit Me with Your Best Shot” and “Hit Me, Baby, One More Time.” We were hitting on all cylinders, until we hit a snag. Since it was rush hour, we hit a ton of traffic, and I managed to hit every red light. Once we hit the freeway, Dave turned to me and said, “Hit the gas!” I gunned it until I was hitting 70, and at one point I had to hit the brakes to avoid hitting another car. Believe me, the last thing I need is to get hit with a ticket.

At the casino, we decided to hit the blackjack table. If we didn’t hit it big there, we could always hit the slots instead and try to hit the jackpot! I told the dealer to “Hit me,” and won my first hand. Just like that I hit pay dirt. Maybe I really would hit it rich? I started hitting stride, winning several hands in row. I said to Dave, “I’m going to hit the big time! This casino doesn’t what hit them!” And just like that I hit the wall. Starting losing like crazy and it finally hit me. In fact, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d hit rock bottom. Across the room, someone hit the lights and said, “Hit it!” and a band started playing “Hit the Road, Jack.” That was my cue to hit the bar.

As we ordered drinks, Dave pointed out a girl and said, “I’ll be hittin’ that, later!” His luck in hitting it off with women is hit or miss, to say the least, but he hit the ground running, and went over to talk to her. I had to hit the can before I ducked outside to take a few hits off a cig. After that I headed back to the bar to see if Dave was hitting all the right notes with his pick-up lines. Did he hit one out of the park? Unfortunately, when I got there it looked like time to hit the panic button!

Turned out the girl had a boyfriend, a big ugly dude dressed like a hit man, and he did not appreciate someone hitting on her. He hit the roof! I could tell he’d been hitting the bottle hard all night. Dave made some smart remark that hit a nerve and that’s when the shit hit the fan! Just as the boyfriend hauled off to hit Dave, I yelled, “Hit the deck!” as I threw my beer bottle at the dude. I tried to hit him right between the eyes, but I couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn. Dave used the distraction to hit him where it hurts with a swift kick. Talk about hitting below the belt! As the guy doubled over and hit the floor, a bouncer came over and told us to hit the bricks. We both agreed it was time to hit the dusty trail. I dropped off Dave and went home to hit the hay. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.