This Is How I Leave You (And You Teach Me To Forget Me And Then I Learn To Love Myself Because That Is The Greatest Love Of All You See)


Do you not know? Oh dumpling buns, do you not know? How great is the love that is the love you give yourself. It is the greatest love you can give!

Oh, mushy berry, how it is when you give yourself that love you learn to forget the others but also you remember that you have forgot – which is the greatest thing of all the things other than the love you give yourself.

It is strange. Oh, it is so very strange that I am writing this. It would seem I am not over you even though I am also writing this about how I am over you. Maybe I only like rubbing it in your face, oh it is possible, you ripe banana. It is!

Can you not see, lamb cakes, can you not see how I care about no one other than myself? I have never had a thought worth recording because I have never risked anything, though I do often write about how you must take risks to get the love you deserve.

Oh, the love you deserve! Oh, to have sex with me for the first time! Oh, to date someone who is me but who is not me who reads and likes turtles as that is as important as dating someone who reads!

These things and more are the things that one must understand before they become the one I show how to leave me, or you show me how to leave you (or whatever pronoun in whatever place who cares it doesn’t actually matter) by way of an internet article intended to get me more Twitter followers to have sex with and also so other people will see who’s following me on Twitter – not only the number of people but also the type of – and that will show those people how I leave someone or they leave me, or something, I don’t know, I just write I what remember vaguely from generic movies because I don’t have depth I’m just a person who wants more Twitter followers so I can impress other people who I hope will then also follow me so that I might get others to follow me and in doing so I will get more sex and maybe even legitimate writing jobs from more respectable publications which will erode the quality of those publications and enrage pathetic nothings who spend time writing about Ukraine or articles with examples of something that happened to them in real life, do you see?

That one sentence, do you see? That’s how I leave you and I forget you and learn to love myself in my twenties because that is the best time to love someone. It may even be that you cannot love someone after that. That’s how you forget someone, by their getting old and gross, did you not know, my fluffy bunny?

Oh, how it is to learn to love yourself because that is, of course, the way to loving yourself, to tell yourself to love yourself more. How simple, my pea squirt!

Just say it and it will be so. Give yourself more bubble baths and do yoga with your best friends and eat ice cream and pizza, this is how you love yourself, by doing things and saying things, yes!

Do not mention to me how loving yourself is not even something you should do as much, that you should only give yourself the love and respect you gave the person you’ve treated worst in your life.

Oh, my lovely dummy, how does that make us feel! Do we still want to love ourselves because that is the best love we can give in this world! Is that still the way to change the world, by loving ourselves so much!

Because we are each unique little apples, each one a special pear. We are not specks of dust in an infinite darkness doing awful things to one another and coating those things with lies.

No no we spend our time writing about how I will leave you or you leave me when the sunset goes down on the beach and there’s a pitter-patter of rain on the windowsill and also how I can still smell you on my pillow, isn’t that a singular event that happened just to me? I think it must be! I can rhyme! I learned English!

I hope you can see that I am baring my deepest soul for you. I spent my whole lunch break writing this and I expect to be rewarded with many things like “THIS” and “Just, THIS” and “Oh My, THIS. THIS is my heart!”

Do you want to know how I know what is in your heart, my pumpkin squash? I can tell you, because now you know, there’s nothing.

That’s why I love writing for you, because nothing makes you happy.