This Is How I Will Fall Out Of Love With You

I met you and fell in love with you so hard and quickly. It’s an absurd human reaction which they called love at first sight. I never believed it till I met you. It’s funny and totally unacceptable to my norms and personal rules of nature. Thus, it is when I found refuge and simple happiness.

Then, the universe brutally unfolds the truth about my lunacy of falling in love so fast. Everything started to make sense and little did I know, the game of make believe does not work its wonders anymore. It became obvious that you say only what I want to hear, then you flaked and ghosted and now gone. But, hon, I will accept and embrace this truth. This is how I will unlove you.

1. I will delete your number even if I memorized it by heart.

I will delete it and save it again like the way I love and hate you now at the same time. I will stare at my phone screen whenever you’re online and hope that you think of me too. I will anticipate a call from you one of these days or a late night text messages. I will do this till I get tired of waiting and get disappointed over and over again.

2. I will look at your pictures.

I will memorize your face. Retrace every line of it in my mind, all the imperfections that I adored, each part of it that I filled with kisses. I will look at your pictures till it pains me to realize that I will never see you again.

3. I will think of you every second of every day.

I will fill my thoughts of you till you distract me from my routines. I will imagine what I wished we have become and think about all those passionate moments we shared. I will dream of you every night and whisper words that I longed for you to hear before I drift into slumber. So, when I wake up with lingering memories of you, it will break my heart and hope that I will never dream of you again. I will think of you till it’s hard to breathe; till I abhor the feeling of it all.

4. I will forgive you; but mostly I will forgive myself.

I will forgive you for being so perfectly flawed that I see you so perfect for me; damaged and broken. I will forgive you for not having the guts to end it before it begins; when you know you are just stringing along. I will forgive you for not feeling the same way and I will forgive myself for allowing you to come into my life even if I know you won’t stay. You are the same kind of mistake I will never learn.

For all it’s worth, I do not regret knowing you at the time I am most vulnerable. You are a beautiful person whom I met at the wrong time. Someday, everything will make sense for both of us. If we cross our paths again, I will look at you with no self-loath; no pain. I will smile to you and not hate you, I promise. I will do that because I am better without you; that, we both know.