This Is How Pathetic I Am

By

  • Tell yourself he really did get a new phone and lost your number.
  • Remind him gently, forgiving even when the, “Who is this? Sorry I lost my numbers” comes again a day after you just told him who the hell this was.
  • Put a SOS vibration for him in your phone, assuring yourself that future you will heed the warning.
  • Notice that you’re turning into a basic bitch.
  • Discuss your newfound basicism with your friends.
  • Get reminded that your life was already saved by your best friend over him once, and one suicide prevention per year is all she has in her.
  • Stop discussing your newfound basicism with your friends.
  • Grin like the dumbass you are when he finally texts after months of silence.
  • Do not heed the warning of the SOS vibration.
  • Stare at your phone for hours waiting for a text back.
  • Believe him when he swears he never had syphilis.
  • Make a doctors appointment (Not because of him…everyone needs an annual exam, even basic bitches).
  • Accept the familiar “Sorry that took so long, I was ________” without thought.
  • Reply in .2 seconds when he asks what you’re doing tonight to make sure he doesn’t change his mind.
  • Prop your phone up on your laptop so you waste no time if, sorry, when he texts back.
  • Listen to “National Anthem” and tell yourself you’re his national anthem.
  • LOL. Laugh because you are SUCH a basic bitch and laughing at this is better than crying.
  • Type this while waiting on that text.
  • Duly note that your entire life consists of waiting on that text.
  • Hope he’s showering and then going to ask you to come over because it’s been 34…52…..73…..67…..89…..90……120 minutes and what could he be doing for 34…52…..73…..67…..89…..90……120 minutes?!
  • Tell yourself he likes you.
  • LOL.
  • Imagine that this will be the night that he comes through on that 5 month old promise of making you dinner.
  • Pick out what bra and underwear you think he’ll like best just in case that text does come.
  • Literally tear up when he texts back.
  • Drive 45 minutes, at 12am on a Monday night, when you have an art history exam and a psych paper due tomorrow just to get fucked by someone who does not think of you at all.
  • Email this anonymously to Thought Catalog: an SOS.
  • Repeat until death by lack of common sense because that is how all we basic bitches perish.

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