This Is How You Build Confidence (Not Fake It)

Can You Feign Confidence?

In order to develop amazing confidence in aspects of life, you’ll need to relinquish the need for control and allow life to lead you where it needs to.

After all, confidence is a state of mind whereby your attitudes and beliefs correspond with your actions.

It appears in many forms, although you can easily recognise it in someone’s body language and verbal cues.

Life can impair your confidence during difficult times. Moreover, you may have faced hardships long ago which may affect parts of your present life.

“Confidence is a somatic memory of competence. Interestingly, research shows that even if we have an inflated sense of that earlier competence, it still serves as a resource of confidence now,” states Linda Graham MFT in Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well.

You cannot feign confidence.

Perhaps for the short-term. But over the long-term, confidence must originate from within and be accompanied by a desire for self-improvement.

To develop confidence, take massive action frequently. It is no use sitting back hoping for things to change while doing little about it.

Action creates momentum and reinforces your self-belief, and it’s feedback from minor successes that contributes to lasting confidence.

Many believe a confident leader is an extrovert, one who is self-important although this is usually not the case.

Confident people have a high emotional intelligence (EQ) and are empathic, compassionate and modest. This flies in the face of what narcissists consider confident; one who is self-involved and regards their personal achievements over others.

It is sensible to cultivate a compassionate side and nurture it if you wish to gain confidence in life.

The Power Of Positive Self Talk

Your inner talk should reflect a success mindset because you get to be your own motivator and leader. It is vital to approach this with the right frame of mind, rather than exercising military-style motivation, which only works temporarily.

Setbacks and disappointments are inevitable in the game of life. Do not allow frustrations to impact your confidence, but accept them as feedback.

Successful people have overcome innumerable obstacles and prevailed.

“Confidence allows you to sail into the uncharted places, and meet up with those dragons without having to get burned,” affirms author Colette Baron Reid in Uncharted: The Journey Through Uncertainty to Infinite Possibility.

Be familiar with your internal dialogue. Look for possibilities within your failures, and I assure you there is something to be gained even in the direst conditions.

Successful people see opportunity in the bleakest conditions and take advantage of it, leaving no time to contemplate what might have been.

Confidence arises when you connect with your deepest intentions and pursue it vehemently.

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

You cannot help but grow passionately towards something you enjoy. The better you become, the more confidence you will gain.

This will flow into other areas of your life as well, so if you are confident in your career this is likely to reflect in other life zones.

Confidence means being content with your uncertainties and shortcomings. It involves working in partnership with these attributes but not allowing them to subdue you.

To build lasting confidence, develop a degree of focus, commitment and dedication. Find an unwavering commitment to see something through until the end.

Those who give up halfway, take a blow to their confidence because they reinforce a defeatist attitude. However, even if you fail yet see the task through to completion and you’ll grow confident knowing you’re moving closer to victory.

Author Larry Weidel says in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success, “The best form of confidence is the confidence that comes from achievement.”

An Unwavering Commitment

Self-confidence proceeds from pursuing goals greater than yourself and maturing into them. Whilst you may or may not succeed, the personal growth that takes place is paramount to the person you will become.

Ultimately, confidence appears as you inch closer to victory, rather than admit defeat.

Develop a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset advocates Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck. She states, “A remarkable thing I’ve learned from my research is that in the growth mindset, you don’t always need confidence.”

I spoke earlier of the need to cultivate powerful self-talk. This is a catalyst for the confident person because they prime their subconscious mind to be on the lookout for success.

Motivational speaker Tony Robbins believes that success leaves clues.

Referring to the fixed mindset, those who torment themselves because of previous failures focus on their faults instead of the lessons gained. This delays progress because attention is given to what is not working, which then becomes a person’s reference point.

Amazing confidence stems from knowing yourself beyond the superficial likes and dislikes. You understand aspects of your character and manage your weaknesses while exploiting your strengths.

In Steven Covey’s acclaimed book, The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People two habits emerge essential to lasting confidence: Be Proactive and Put First Things First.

The proactive person takes charge of their life. They are accountable for their actions and make decisions based on the outcomes, regardless of whether they are successful.

To Put First Things First, manage yourself to the best of your ability and concentrate on what is important. Prioritise your day-to-day activities in the pursuit of your objectives with an unwavering commitment, notwithstanding impediments and roadblocks.

Remember, “Confidence is the belief that no matter what happens, you’ll find a way,” author Larry Weidel reminds us.

Confidence arises when you overcome your limitations.

This requires conquering your fears so they don’t overpower you. What you give life to occupies importance in your mind.

I enjoy the wisdom echoed by author Bernard Roth in The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing and Take Command of Your Life: “Make a pact with yourself to not use reasons unless you have to. This is actually an incredibly empowering position to come from. Be confident enough in your actions not to need to explain yourself. Trust yourself and act.”

With that premise, I invite you to find the confidence to live a truly amazing life with a powerful state of mind.