This Is How You Train Your Brain To Get What You Really Want

Approximately six months ago, I got serious about my goal to become a professional writer. I had written an eBook and was anxious to know how to traditionally publish it.

I decided literary agents would be my best source of advice. After all, they know the publishing industry back-and-forth—or so I thought. After talking to 5-10 different agents about their coaching programs, it became apparent my questions would need to be answered elsewhere.

One particular conversation sticks out.

In order to even be considered by agents and publishers, writers need to already have a substantial readership (i.e., a platform). I told one of the agents my goal was to have 5,000 blog subscribers by the end of 2015. She responded, “That would not be possible from where you currently are. These things take time. You will not be able to get a publisher for 3-5 years. That’s just the reality.”

“Reality to who?” I thought as I hung up the phone.

Never Ask Advice From…

In his book, The Compound Effect, Darren Hardy said, “Never ask advice of someone with whom you wouldn’t want to trade places.”

As I pondered this quote, I realized I was asking the wrong types of people for advice. I needed to turn to people who had actually walked where I wanted to walk. Anyone can provide nebulous theory. We spend our entire public education learning theory from people who have rarely “walked the walk.” As Jack Black said in School of Rock, “Those who can’t do, teach.” Similarly, there is an endless supply of content being published everyday by people who rarely practice the virtues they preach.

Contrary to theory, which cannot get you very far in the end, people who have actually been “there” provide practical steps on what you need to do (e.g., here are the five things you should focus on and forget everything else).

Why You Need To Know What You Want

Most kids go to college without a clue why they are there. They are floating along waiting to be told what to do next. They haven’t seen or thought enough to know what their ideal life would look like. So how could they possibly know how to distinguish good advice from bad?

Conversely, people who know what they want in life see the world differently. All people selectively attend to things that interest or excite them. For example, when you buy a new car, you start to notice the same car everywhere. How does this happen? You didn’t seem to notice that everyone drove Malibus before.

Our brains are constantly filtering an unfathomable amount of sensory inputs: sounds, smells, visuals, and more. Most of this information goes consciously unrecognized. Our focused attention is on what we care about. Thus, some people only notice the bad while others see the good in everything. Some notice people wearing band shirts, while others notice anything fitness related.

So, when you decide what you want, it’s like buying a new car. You start seeing it everywhere—especially your newsfeeds!

What are you seeing everywhere? This is perhaps the clearest reflection of your conscious identity.

The Magical Things That Happen When You Begin Paying Attention

Wherever it is you want to go, there is a long and conventional path; and there are shorter, less conventional approaches. The conventional path is the outcome of not paying attention. It’s what happens when you let other people dictate your direction and speed in life.

However, once you know what you want—and it intensely arouses your attention—you will notice simpler and easier solutions to your questions. What might have taken 10 years in a traditional manner takes only a few months with the right information and relationship.

When I decided I was serious about becoming a writer, the advice from the literary agents couldn’t work for me. I was ready for the wisdom of people who were where I wanted to be. My vision was bigger than the advice I was getting.

Around this same time and out of nowhere, I came across an online course about guest blogging. It must have popped in my newsfeeds because of my previous searching. I paid the $197, went through the course, and within two weeks was getting articles featured on multiple self-help blogs.

Within two months of taking the course, I wrote a blog post that blew up. Tim Ferriss has said, “One blog post can change your entire life.” This principle holds true of anything you do. One performance, one audition, one interview, one music video, one conversation… Thus, the focus should be on quality rather than quantity.

Two months after being told it would take 3-5 years to have a substantial following, I was there. When you know what you want, you notice opportunities most people aren’t aware of. You also have the rare courage to seize those opportunities without procrastination.

Courage doesn’t just involve saying “Yes”—it also involves saying, “No.” But how could you possibly say “No” to certain opportunities if you don’t know what you want? You can’t. Like most people, you’ll be seduced by the best thing that comes around.

But if you know what you want, you’ll be willing to pass up even brilliant opportunities because ultimately they are distractors from your vision. As Jim Collins said in Good to Great, “A ‘once-in-a-lifetime opportunity’ is irrelevant if it is the wrong opportunity.”

“Once-in-a-lifetime” opportunities (i.e., distractors) pop up everyday. But the right opportunities will only start popping up when you decide what you want and thus, start selectively attending to them. Before you know it, you’ll be surrounded by a network you love and by mentors showing you the fastest path.

Conclusion

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” This quote is completely true. Once you know what you want, you can stop taking advice from just anyone. You can filter out the endless noise and hone in on your truth.

Eventually, you can train your conscious mind to only focus on what you really want in life. Everything else gets outsourced and forgotten by your subconscious.

Decide what you want or someone else will.

You are the designer of your destiny. What will it be?