This Is Me Finally Apologizing To Myself


Dear me,

I’m so sorry I neglected you. I’m so sorry that I put everyone else’s opinions as first priority for so long. I’m sorry I forgot to love you while I found room to love people who didn’t appreciate you. I’m sorry I tell you that you aren’t good enough and that you’re boring. I’m sorry that I question your instincts. They have never failed me, but I have failed you. I’m so sorry I let my logic override what I know deep down.

Life is more complex than a black and white series of choices. Life has proven itself to be one giant paradox, and we all know that logic and paradox don’t mix well. I’m sorry I make you hold out longer than you can emotionally handle. I’m sorry I criticize you so harshly and assume the worst of you. I’m sorry that I treat you worse than those who have betrayed me. I want to make it right with you. I want to earn your trust. I don’t think I ever gave you reason to trust me.

But I want that to change.

I want to be so in tune with you that we stop having pointless arguments and start working as a team. I want to lift you up in every way possible, and I want to be the best friend that I should have been all along. You’re pretty great and you deserve so much more than I ever gave you. And since there’s no way we can go our separate ways, I want to make the most of our time together. I can’t promise you that I won’t ever hurt you again. But I can promise that from now on, I will do my absolute best to be there for you in all the ways that I’ve failed you before.

I love you. I love you so much and I’m sorry I didn’t make that clearer. I’m sorry I acted in ways that showed anything but love. I’m supposed to be your safe haven and I’ve caused you so much hurt. But I promise that from here on out, I will do my best to be everything you ever needed. Because there’s nobody who understands me better than you do. Nobody except God himself. And he says you’re pretty great too. This is my promise to you. I love you and I always will.