This Is What Your Closet Says About Your Dating Life


They say a man’s home is his castle. Well, a woman’s second home is her closet.

After checking countless fridges, I’ve had the request to inspect a woman’s closet to see what kind of insight it would provide on the dating front.

The fact is, we’re all dating detective, and we all look for clues to provide insight into potential mates. The fridge is not the tell-all. (But as most of our dating revolves around eating and drinking, it does reveal a lot about compatibility ☺)

That said, there are many other avenues to explore. Some say the medicine cabinet is the go-to. Others have said their bookshelves, their iTunes, even their glove compartment. And that brings us to today, the closet.

So lets dive into Amy’s closet and see what we can learn about her and her love life…

Amy’s Renting

This closet looks as out of place in a condo as Trump does at a taco stand. I’d be surprised if Amy didn’t live in a rental. It’s not a walk-in or built-in, but instead, added to an existing space.

Amy’s Out-Grown Her Space

The last time I saw a place this crowded, I was on the subway in China. She’s tight for space and needs to upgrade. It looks like the pile on her shelf played musical-hangers and lost.

What’s MIA is her shoes. Not sure if they live beneath her bed, but if Amy had a walk-in closet, I’d assume the above would also live there. The last time a woman only had two pairs of shoes, it was Plymoth Rock: and even they had three. At least Amy has no wire hangers and won’t pull a Mommy Dearest in the future.

City Gal

I assume she lives in an expensive city in the Northeast, Chi or SF. Her space is tight, yet her brands are upscale enough that she can afford a bigger space in most other cities. The fact that she lives in a northern city is backed up by clothing to keep warm on summer nights, which you won’t get down south.

Busy Lady

Amy’s making effort to stay organized, but there’s still chaos going on here. I see a responsible person, who respects her things, but with a busy schedule, she can’t keep it perfect, nor is she anal enough to do so. This is further backed up no color pattern, plus she leaves clothes on dry-cleaner hangers.

Bodacious Bod

I’d guess that Amy’s in shape and lookin’ good. Her sneakers are front and center, and her wardrobe didn’t come from Lane Bryant. She has many sleeveless tops (to show off her saucy arms), and though women can look great with bigger sized clothing, Amy is (probably) a tight package. Which no matter how PC we like to be, it’s what guys dig.

Amy also plays golf. This tells me she’s playful, can hang with the boys, drinks beer and has dinero. (Golf ain’t a poor man’s sport) It also says she’s an early riser. You can’t golf in a big city without waking up early.

Amy’s Color Palette

Here are the main colors I see and my verdicts about them…

Amy has more Black than any other color. To me, black says NY and perfect for a night out. There’s sophistication, plus a smart color to wear as it reveals and slims at the same time. Black historically says authority and is the preferred shade of women in power. Fashionistas love black because it’s versatile, timeless, and classy. (It’s called ‘Black Tie’ for a reason) Many see competence in black. I see confidence (and a higher degree of shagability ☺)

Amy’s got a tad of Purple. Purple historically says creativity and can be polarizing: you either dig it or hate it. So, if you sport it, it shows confidence, always attractive on the dating front. Some say purple shows royalty. I don’t think a guy puts that atop his Shag-Meter, but there might be a subconscious attraction to it.

Amy’s swimming in Whites, the combination of all colors. It signifies perfection, balance and harmony. (Go Amy) Like black, white’s a popular fashion color as it goes with everything. White also has the connotation of innocence. Good thing Amy’s stocked with black for a saucy balance.

I see a touch of Blue, which gives off the vibe of peace, calm, loyalty and success, which can intimidate some men. If he’s worthy, he’ll be a big fan of your accomplishments. (Just let the guy be the guy 😉

Last, but not least, Amy has a well-balanced Brand Lineup. She has a mixture of high-end fashion labels and down-to-earth everyday brands, which I like. Amy has money and style, yet still accessible and not super high-maintenance.

Her lineup includes:
• Rag-n-Bone
• Zadig & Voltaire
• Rebecca Taylor
• Zara
• June
• AG Jeans
• Illia
• GMS-75
• Calypso St Barth
• Ramy Brook
• Theory
• Victoria Beckham
• Ulla Johnson and Isabel Murant Etoile
• Mackage

I haven’t heard of every brand (as I am heterosexual), but it’s clear she’s got an impressive lineup here.

Fridge (I mean Closet) Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag On First Date: 7.5

My instinct tells me that getting Amy into bed is not on par with getting a man to Mars. I don’t see easy and her clothes say classy, but I do see a fun vibe and when a woman puts in the effort to look her best, she’s not looking to spend her Saturday nights solo if given the chance.

Marry: 8

Productive, active, stylish, taste and self-sufficient: we have a major long-term prospect here.

Sleeping With The Enemy: 2

Yes, there is some chaos, but I see nothing that gives off the wackypack vibe or that this chick is boiling bunnies in her spare time.