This Is Why I’m Going To Fight For You

I’m sorry. There, I’ve said it. You wanted to hear it, just to hear the words leave my stern thick lips, and I was too stupid to say it. Too stupid and too hurt. I said that I didn’t know how to say it, but I did. I just didn’t know that by not saying it, our whole lives would change.

I want you. I always did and I always will. I want all of you every day and I don’t even care if I just stole a line from “The Notebook,” because that was always our thing. I want to be your man. I want all the things that we always wanted together. I want a bright wedding with you on a sunny nook of the beach – to see you walking down the sandy isle towards me will be the greatest moment of my life. I want a family with you – with our kids that will see our love and feel that it knows no bounds – not for each other and not for them. I want us to grow old and see the world and see us in the world. I can see that, too.

I can see us old and grey, walking our dogs in the morning, building a fire at night, and reminiscing on all that we’ve created in our little chance at life. I know it might sound small, but it’s not. It’s big, bigger than you could ever imagine, but it is only real with you. Without you, it doesn’t exist. And I know that now. I’m listening now.

So, what do I do? I make a vow. I’m going to fight for you. I don’t know how yet, and I can’t put into words why I think I have a chance of winning you back, but I feel it. I feel it deep down inside that it’s the right and only thing to do. And you know me, when I get that feeling, it takes over. I need you to know that I’m going to fight for you. And not till my dying breath or till the world feels what I feel for you.

I’m not going to piddle away at our memories, and say things like “We’ve come too far” or “Look at everything we’ve built.” That is the past and it only means less to you and I now as it did then. What I am going to say is “We haven’t gone far enough” and “Look at everything we will build – together.” The world is meant for us to do something great here, something that has never been done before. To create something that is not just everlasting, but is evergrowing and everchanging. And it will change us and everyone around us, if you let it. And, god, I so hope that you will. Because we have come too far and we have built something incredible here. I was just too blind and too stupid to see it.

You told me that you wanted me to fight for you, and I thought I listened. I didn’t. I know that now. Well, here I am. All of me and what is left of you. I know I’m too late and I know that you think your heart can’t take anymore from me. But, I don’t know what else to do. I’m going to fight for you and I’m going to fight for us. And I realize that I might not win. It’s not about winning anymore. It’s about you knowing that I am the person who will fight for you. I understand, that at first, you may have only a little love to give. And that’s okay. A kernel of your love will warm my heart for a lifetime, and you have to know that.

But I’m not asking for you back yet. I know that I’ve lost you and that weighs on my mind all day, every day. I’m asking you to have hope. Hope that I’ll show you the life we can have, bit by bit, step by step, mile by mile. And that is on me and me alone. I will show you the man I can be and the world that we can have. I will. Just you wait.