Time Won’t Heal Your Heartbreak

“Time heals all wounds.” If you’ve ever endured a heartbreak, I’d guarantee you’ve been on the receiving end of this phrase. It may have even been you who chanted these words to yourself, upholding the belief that the pain that plagues you will eventually subside because time heals.

But as days pass, time begins to feel like a foreign concept. How has only a week passed when it feels like you’ve been broken for a month? “Time heals” also implies that progress is linear… but it’s more of a roller coaster with no distinct finish line. One day you’ll discover a sense of clarity and wonder how you could’ve possibly spent so long moping around, but then in the blink of an eye you’re back in bed sobbing into your pillow.

We’ve been programmed to believe that each day becomes easier and that the agony inside of us effortlessly dwindles, but there will always be those unpredictable moments when something triggers a memory and suddenly you’re hurting as bad as you did on the very first day.

The mantra “time heals,” encourages you to place your happiness in the hands of the unknown and idle around waiting to magically recover.

But I’ve realized it’s not time that heals us.

It’s change.

When you remain in the circumstances of which the incident occurred, nothing can ever improve. If your body lives in the past, so will your mind. Instead of accepting your misery, view your life from an outside perspective and change something.

It doesn’t have to be major. I redecorated my room when I realized it was tainted with memories of him and instantly it once again became the safe haven I never thought I’d recover. Change the route of your daily run. Dye your hair. Find a new favorite coffeeshop. Meet someone new.

We’ve been crediting the wrong factor in our recovery. Time away from any event helps you move on, but it’s the changes you make during that time that force you to move on.

You’re less likely to revert back to the past once you’re removed from it. So stop wishing your days away; life is too short to try to speed up. But if you want to see change— that’s all on you.