To My Fellow ‘Unladylike’ ENTP Women


Dear ENTP Females: Never. Back. Down.

We have grown up in a society that has urged us to be something that we are not, and so often, in an attempt to steer us toward more “ladylike” behavior.

But as the strong, capable ENTP ladies that we are, I trust that we will all (or have already!) come to a point where we think, “Screw EVERYTHING about that.”

Let’s take a moment and think about some of the traits that our notorious MBTI type is famous for, shall we? We’re known to be debaters, asserters, argumentative, outspoken, curious, logical, flexible, fearless, and, heaven forbid, even a little insensitive.

We have open minds and loads of confidence. We can test theories, play with ideas, engage in friendly banter just for the hell of it – and it’s fun for us! We love this shit!

We could go on for hours locked in debate with a close friend (or even a handful of acquaintances within earshot whose attention we’ve captured) on just about any topic, and, for us, it’s still completely normal to emerge from the debate on the other side with a friendship still intact and feelings of positivity about what just transpired.

Mental sparring is something that refreshes us, and we feel like we really learn about others when we can play with their ideas a little.

There is no pretense here – we don’t have time for that! We’re not doing this stuff with any ulterior motives. We just want to get in your head a little, flesh some things out, and learn some more. If nothing comes of it, it still wasn’t a waste of time. It was still great!

But I cannot even begin to count the number of times that I’ve captured a funny look from someone or ended up on the receiving side of a comment along the lines of, “You come on a little too strong.”

Too strong?

I’m not a bully muscling you to the gravel on the playground. I’m talking! With you! About things that are interesting!

Even better, I’ve heard, “You act like a guy.”

First off, can we clarify what “a guy” acts like? Because I’ve interacted with my fair share of male-identifying individuals in my twenty-something years of life to know that not every guy acts alike. I don’t think there’s a prescribed set of behaviors that they need to check off to receive their “guy card.”

Second, tell me, then, how am I supposed to act if you’re trying to tell me that my behavior somehow makes me unfeminine?

Shall I just cower over here in the corner with my fellow damsels in distress (because, you know, all women just need someone to take care of them) while we let the men deal with the “man stuff,” instead? Are women just not allowed to contribute? Or to enjoy debating? Or to be curious?

I’ve been told so many things about my “unladylike” personality. Apparently, I’m too pushy, too bold, I speak my mind (it’s a bad thing, according to that person!), I get too interested and too passionate about things, I need to chill out, I’m not nice enough, I won’t stop arguing, I make people feel stupid, and I don’t like to back down.

I will agree with them on the last point. I don’t like to back down. I will back down when you convince me that I was incorrect – that my thinking was wrong, that my conceptualization of whatever’s at hand is incorrect and I need to approach it another way – but as far as I go, I will continue to be my unabashed self and make people uncomfortable because I’m too pushy.

I will continue to pursue knowledge, further my interests, start projects, make ideas come to fruition, and, yes, I’ll even continue my unladylike debating.

Because, as you know, we ENTP women don’t plan on backing down.