Today We Start Our Vacation


I don’t want my kids to die.

Today we start our vacation.

A 26 hour train ride (two kids and a wife are afraid of flying) and then a rented house, ping pong table, pool table, Wii, swimming pool, beach, bikes, etc for ten days.

What the hell am I going to do?

I only like to read, write, and sleep.

But you’re supposed to do things like spend time with family and create memories for your children, etc.

I want to do that. I already regret that I can’t remember when they were young and cute and cuddly. I have no memories. Possible Alzheimers.

I have to prevent the kids from getting bored. I have to prevent them from dying. I have to feed them. I have to tell them stories. I have to create stories. All in the next ten days so they will remember me forever.

People can easily advise, “Just relax and enjoy”.

But what  if I can’t? WHAT IF?

I haven’t really relaxed since I was six years old.

I relax and enjoy when I’m by myself. That’s relaxing.

Mollie woke up at 5am this morning a little sick. She had a stuffed nose. She’s worried she will be sick for the vacation. She’s worried she will be sick on the train and won’t enjoy it.

I tell her, “here’s medicine you can take right now” and I gave her some medicine. She started to cry and said, “but what if I’m still sick later?”

Yeah, what if? WHAT IF?

So we looked at her baby album so we could both remember things. She asked me to tell her some stories. I did and she laughed. Then she went back in her room to sleep more.

And then I was able to relax and write this.