Top 10 Failed Whole Foods Pickup Lines

The 2 main reasons to go to Whole Foods are to steal and to kick game. I am very good at one of those…. (I’ll let you guess which!)

Here are some of my failed attempts at the latter:

10. So what do you steal from Whole Foods? I always eat as many dolma as I can in line so I don’t have to pay.

9. Buying the peeled carrots makes me feel effeminate.

8. Excuse me, what is the best vegetable?

7. Did you hear about the defection to Monsanto? So sad….

6. Are you allergic to gluten too? (in the rice cake section)

5. Nice…Fiji is the ballinest water. (as she reaches for a Fij)

4. So what criteria are most important to you in selecting an heirloom tomato?

3. Can I have your ginger?

2. Do you ever wonder why all leaves don’t taste like basil?

1. Hey, my name is Matt. What’s your name?