Wait For A Man Who Doesn’t Put You First


One of my friends growing up got that ring, and was officially engaged to the man of her dreams. We gushed over sushi about the day her man got down on one knee and asked to be hers forever. It felt like yesterday we were jamming to throwback songs together in the car, driving to high school, talking about homecoming, and dreaming about the kind of guys we would hopefully end up marrying.

I asked her a quick question while I pretended to know how chopsticks work. (Fun fact I worked in a sushi restaurant for 3 years and never figured out how to use chop sticks –I’m hopeless.)

“What is your favorite part about him?” I eagerly was awaiting her answer. From a girl who have never been in love, I was curious. What was the most attractive part of “her love.”

I was surprised by her answer.

“He doesn’t put me first.” She blushed.


Have you listened to Beyonce lady?

You are a queen.

Have you not read the cheesy but aggressive articles on Facebook that sound like “don’t give him the time of day if he doesn’t worship you.”

But I stepped back and realized maybe I was wrong.

She continued to talk about this man who didn’t worship her, and didn’t put her first. She talked about how her man’s eyes weren’t focused on her. They were focused on their rock and redeemer. He put Christ first, and no one else. Including the love of his life.

The love of her life cared about how Megan felt, but vowed to always go where his Creator called him to go.

The love of her life loved her like Christ, but never forgot who his first love was.

It is easy to want a guy who will move mountains for you, but what about praying for a guy who believes that God can move those mountains? We live in a society that says “wait for a man who does everything for you,” but maybe we should search for something more, ladies.

Maybe we should wait for a man who puts Christ first, seeks His Kingdom first, and because of His love and devotion to our Redeemer He loves us accordingly.

It is easy to desire having a man wrapped around our finger. It is easy to want a man who does whatever we ask. But we are not God…and when we are asking a boy to put us first we are only separating Him from His first love.

I get it, it’s the classic Christian girl thing to say…but it is true. We need to wait for a man who puts Christ first – not ourselves, not porn, not “the boys.”

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, we need to dance first with Christ. We need to step-by-step follow Christ’s lead, gracefully going where He calls us to. We need to not follow the distractions of the world. Christ will always be our leader.

But one day, maybe while dancing with Christ, you will notice there is someone else also striving to follow Christ’s footwork. They are too following His step, and together y’all embrace the counts of the music and create something beautiful. That is love. That is community. And that is what it is like for two to become one together.

So yes, find a man who holds the door, buys you a meal, and asks how your day was. Find someone who makes you blush, cares for you, and treats you special. However, wait for a man who seeks Christ’s approval above yours. One who follows Christ and not you, the world, or himself.

Look for man who strives to have the same characteristics as Jesus. Look for someone who worships Jesus through his actions.

I mess up. I am icky. I will fail. I do not want any boy to think I can be his foundation.

Wait for that. Don’t settle just because you want to feel wanted. Don’t settle because you may have found a “good guy who puts you first.”

Wait for a man who doesn’t put you as his foundation. Wait for a man who is planted on our God, our rock– and together you find each other because both of you made the Lord your foundation.

Find a guy who pushes you to notice Christ. Find a guy who pushes you to put Christ first. Find a guy who leads by example, and reminds you that Christ is ultimate the person you should be imitating.