We All Break, We Are Just Waiting For The Ones Who Feel Safe Enough To Hold Us

I am on the 6th floor in a hotel in Houston
sitting at a desk
drinking water
trying to stay sane by staying hydrated
none of this was the plan
I have kept it together
when the gate agent said
“So he isn’t coming?”
and I replied “No, he isn’t.”
and even when she said, “You were together?”
I kept it together
I kept it together sitting next to an empty seat
rather than it being filled with his blonde hair
and his hands inside mine
I kept it together when my visa was denied
and I had to leave the country in 48 hours
I kept it together
I kept it together when things changed
and I couldn’t return
and he left
like a coward
I kept it together as I put my things in storage
and rented out my home to a stranger because I can’t return
I have
kept
it
together
but I’ve been traveling for more than 2 days
and I’m 45 minutes away from a call with another lawyer I’m not ready for
and my belly hurts from the food I’m not meant to eat
and I’m fatigued
my face is white
I’m about to travel all day and all night
and all I want is some real food to eat
I write my last love from Texas
and he sends me a link and says
I would call and order you something and get it delivered but I’m in the middle of filming
helmet on
glove off
camera men in the rain with their equipment yelling at me
and then I break
and the tears fall into my heart
I cry and cry and cry
because this is the kind of love I know I deserve
and this is the love he never gave to me
we all break after all
we are just waiting for the ones who feel safe enough to hold us.