What Happens When Your Caffeine Addiction Exceeds Your Budget

This was bound to happen, no one who considers himself a broke, college-student could’ve hoped to afford these habits. These habits that imply one mug of coffee (no cream, because cream takes up space that could be occupied by more coffee) a day would be enough. I mean maybe one mug of coffee a day would be enough, if I were alright going at my mid-morning activities with a groggy, half-awake, ‘too lackadaisical to function at life’ approach.

If only I had known then what I know now; sometimes exercising that willpower I prefer to keep on the sidelines amidst the tumultuous times of my 20s could’ve saved me a series of glaring, deafening headaches crying out for just one more cup of caffeine.

So, now a few imparting sentiments of first-hand experience, gained ‘wisdom.’ Yeah, that’s what we’ll call this naïve 20-something’s attempt at not going broke over feeding an addiction to the java bean.

1. You’ll come to digging around the farthest, gum-encrusted, reaches of the ‘in-between’ the seat areas for a couple spare quarters to fund that extra refill before hitting the road — stop — realize you’ll fine without another refill, probably even better than fine, as a matter of fact. You’ll be less dehydrated, and won’t have to hit two or three restrooms on your journey from the coffee shop to your office.

2. You’ll start wondering whether you’re not drinking enough water, drinking too much coffee, or not drinking enough…

Stop.

This shouldn’t even be something you spend time considering to begin with. Coffee’s kind of like having an ability to shoot spider webs out of your wrists while taking on greed-infested playboys somehow discontented with their living circumstances…You know, “with great power, comes great responsibility.”

Coffee will oftentimes kickstart that which was groggy, but be wary when considering exceeding that first cup, because a short fuse, is well, a short few extra sips away.

3. You’re not buying cheap beers to save money in general when out with friends, you’re buying cheap beers to save money for that limited release bag of fresh grind sold at only a few select independent beaneries. So really, you’re skimping on things you should be paying quality for just to support your fix.

But, uh. Dude. Edison said ‘beer is proof that god wants us to be happy’ or something along those lines. Coffee is great, but if you’re going to skirt the lines of moderation, please by all that is irrational let it be buying that six pack of micro-brewed stouts and not a bag of freshly ground beans that might just end up tasting the same as every other coffee out there.

Don’t succumb to paying the extra 5-10 bucks for a bag with pretty graphics, and an enticing little story of how the beans were delivered to the café in the first place — because it might be slightly fabricated, and also because, who gives a shit? If you’re looking for a good story, read anything by Alistair MacLeod; the man is the reason we’ve ‘wordsmith’ in the dictionary.

Coffee isn’t here to tell fanciful tales or entertain our imaginations; coffee’s here to wake us up, and make our responsibilities more enjoyable with a legal buzz that demands higher productivity levels.

The sad reality for this guy is I love coffee, and unfortunately this is one of those loves where I’ll willingly play the part of the used, and financially abused ‘boyfriend.’ Coffee will take from me money I could’ve used for ‘more important things’ like meals, and I’ll helplessly feed into this cycle because, it’s a price (quite literally) that I’m willing to pay.