What Happens When Your Heart Heals But Your Soul Is Still Broken

My second to the last lover broke my heart hard, hard enough that even my soul broke. I neglected it and proceeded moving on without fixing the important aspect of my life, my soul; but I managed to put all the pieces of my heart back together. So there I was, moved on and met someone. We became acquaintances, until we became very close friends, and the next thing I know, we were a couple. It was a typical love story.

As time passed, everything was under our control. Time was on our side. It was her and me, us against the world. We were perfect, despite of the criticisms we had heard. We were perfect despite the distance between us. We were perfect, despite the busy schedules we had. We were perfect, until one day she saw my broken smile, my broken soul, my broken world. She decided to fix it, but I admitted to her that she wouldn’t be able to fix it because I tried hard enough to do it myself, but still she insisted.

Everything got out of hand. We woke up one morning with everything slowly tearing apart. We were perfect until every flaw came one by one, until the flow was no longer inevitable anymore. Change happened, also inevitable. The tables had turned and the bridges had burned until everything came crashing down. I could have stopped the bridges that were burning, but I wouldn’t. I could have swam over the sea just to get to her, but I wouldn’t. I could have let her stay, but I wouldn’t. Why? Because I love her that much that I have to let go because I am too much of a burden already. People are free to call me a jerk, an ass. But I need to do this because I love her that much that I can’t bear to see that her soul is slowly breaking, for the sake of fixing mine.

Once again, my heart shattered to pieces by letting the bridges turn to ashes, by letting you go. But surprisingly, this heartbreak is slowly fixing my soul, but I don’t know why, though. I hate that we had to fall apart in order for my soul to get fixed or healed or whatever.

I hate the fact that the timing was off. I hate the fact that we, me and her, are now just a memory to look back at. I hate the fact the she was just another sad love song. I hate everything that happened, but I will do everything to not let that hate get to my feelings for her. I would do anything to prevent anger or bitterness to take over the love I have, because I would want my love for her to fade just like that, no hate or bitterness attached.

I am broken and surprisingly on the process of my soul being fixed, but I hate that we had to part ways in order for this to happen.