What I Learned From Attending An All-Female Cuddle Party


I am a 26-year old female. I took a year off from having sex during which I was celibate, as a way to nurture and heal myself after years of sexual encounters that were not always very mindful, and sometimes even harmful. During this phase of my life, I allowed my body to rest, restore, and heal itself, and I found it to be highly beneficial. I also learned how important human touch really is for the mind, body, and spirit.

One Friday afternoon I was writing at the library, and I was debating what I should do that night for fun. I decided to check out Meetup.com. On the front page I saw an advertisement for an all-female cuddle party, and I was intrigued. It was something totally out of my comfort zone that I never would have tried in the past, but my intuition was telling me to go check it out.

I nervously called a friend beforehand, and he urged me to go. He was almost awe-struck and said something along the lines of, “I didn’t think something like that existed. It’s probably every man’s fantasy.” I laughed and was grateful for his guidance… even if it might not have been for the same reasons I was interested.

Cuddle parties are gaining traction across the US. They are a way for people to get in that much-needed component of human touch that so many of us are often severely lacking and craving. A cuddle party is a much more structured event than you might think— there is a host and there are rules. It’s not just a free-for-all with every man (or in this case, woman) for himself. It is a great place to learn about boundaries and respect. Part of the educational component of the Cuddle Party franchise is to teach about boundaries and safe touch.

I even learned that at the party, you could request how you wanted to be touched by the people who were at the event. It wasn’t something I’d ever even thought about before— to actually take the time to think about what types of touch, strokes, and rubbing might feel good for someone to perform on me.

I learned a lot about saying no, as well as being told no, and not taking it personally if I am told no. As someone who is highly sensitive with a major fear of rejection, it was a new concept to me.

I started to think about the guys I had slept with in the past and how often there were things they did without asking and I often just went along with it, not having had established firm boundaries of my own. I also began to ponder about how stereotypically, men are more likely to ask for things, get rejected, and not take it as personally as women do. I was thinking about one person in particular— the twin flame relationship I was involved in at the time, where the guy mirrored my own lack of boundaries back to me time and time again by asking for (and getting) what he wanted with no fear of rejection from me. Without my own firm boundaries established, he continued to take from me. The cuddle party was one event in particular that helped me see that.

Finally, I learned how necessary and important it was for me to receive female touch. I am touched and cuddled often by men and have been ever since I started dating, but never do I ever cuddle with women. It brought up a lot of emotions in me, especially because I lost my mom at a young age, and she was someone who would provide me with that type of touch. I actually cried afterward upon realizing this, and as the leaders shared, it is a common experience to cry at the end of a cuddle party.

For those who are perhaps daring and curious enough, I would recommend checking out a Cuddle Party or similar event in your area. It is an especially healing and unique experience to cuddle with someone of the opposite gender than you are accustomed to (for example, me a heterosexual female, cuddling with another female).