What I Learned From Dating An Introvert (And What You Should Know Before You Do)


We all know people who seem shy, not as outgoing maybe even somewhat aloof. I used to think these people were just shy as opposed to my outgoing personality; they were not ready to be the life of the party or start up a conversation with a stranger.

My perception changed when I started dating an introvert. I realized that introverts do not need as much stimulation from other people as the extrovert does. In fact, what charges us up – mixing with people in a crowd, drains the introvert. They recharge just opposite with quiet alone time.

You may see the introvert as an antisocial type, rude even, but they are not antisocial they do want social interaction. They just do not know how to talk (small talk) it is not that they are being rude; in fact many social situations make them nervous and cause anxiety.

The balancing act

The balancing act of extrovert and introvert in a relationship can be a delicate one until you realize the differences between the two of you. Then you realize that the quiet alone time for the extrovert does not mean you cannot have quality time together. You just have to plan a strategy for dealing with parties, dinners, and holidays.

By having a strategy you both will get what your personalities need in order to make both of you fulfilled when it comes to stimuli. Remember it can very difficult to make new friends for introverts.

Tips for planning the strategy of an extrovert/introvert relationship

Until you get to know the signs of your partner it is best to plan a strategy to deal with parties, dinners, and holidays.

  • Party exits. You need to discuss a signal that you will recognize that says your partner is exhausted and needs to go home. Before heading to the party go over the signal, what the plan is, leave together or separately. If you leave together then plan on a time to leave such as before dessert or after the cake is cut. Maybe arrive at the end of cocktail hour for the dinner, then when it is time for dessert say your good byes and go home.
  • Understand that they do not need to participate constantly. Make it clear to your partner that after they greet a person, they do not have to stay they can wander off for some quiet alone time.
  • Knowing the signs. As you get to know your partner better you will know what signals their tired, worn out look. What actually drains them is it large groups, small talk, or more heated deeper discussions. As you see the signals of your partner becoming tired react to those signs, tell him to go take some time for himself. Learn how long it takes for him to be ready to come back and talk to people again.
  • The couples who consist of an introvert and extrovert will have less serious conflict. This type of less violent conflict is because the introvert thinks unhurriedly and responds consciously which can take them several days in which you may have forgotten all about the argument. So when it comes to arguments, do not be pushy and pressure for an answer but instead remain patient allow your partner time to reflect.
  • Quiet time. This can be slightly tricky; you have to remember quiet in the quiet time. An introvert needs the quiet time; however, quiet time doesn’t mean you can spend it together. You and your partner can sit quietly in the same room each doing your own thing whatever that may be as long as it is quiet. Maybe your partner enjoys a good book and a cup of coffee, or surfing the web; you can surf the web as well, read a book, or chat quietly on skype, Facebook etc. Another way to enjoy quiet time is find a television show you both enjoy and watch it together.

Things you should understand about the introvert

While many of us see introverts as antisocial or loners they really are not. They do require human interaction just in a different way as the extrovert. Extroverts are perfectly happy and at ease in a large group of people even ones they do not know yet. Introverts on the other while they like to meet people and have contact with people tend to have social anxieties to some degree.

The introvert doesn’t have much to say when it comes to small talk. They become nervous that they may not be able to keep it going which makes it stressful for them to have small talk.

Another thing is that the introvert would rather be approached as opposed to doing the approaching. Remember that the next time you are wishing that the cute guy over there who seems to be alone would approach you, instead approach him. If you do approach him, remember that introverts are not good at small talk so be patient and do not feel bad if the small talk ends awkwardly. If it does end awkwardly, you may ask them if they would like to go someplace less crowded and grab a cup of coffee.

Introverts may not have much to say but they are very observant and they can spot a fake personality a mile away. So while you may find them quiet, they are watching what is going on around them and even though they may not approach others, when approached by someone who is phony they know it right away, after all they’ve been watching you.

Understanding an introvert is the best way to deal with them in social situations or even date them successfully.