What I Need To Know If You Want To Marry Me

By Caitlin Jill Anders

Hopefully, by the time you’ve agreed to live in the same house with someone for the rest of your life and not get bored of them, you already know a few things about them. Not convicted of any felonies, adores puppies and babies, isn’t into anything weird – you know, the important things. Really though, what are the important things we would want to know before marrying someone?

I was browsing the internet and saw a story about a couple who put a birth announcement in the paper for their child identifying as transgender who transitioned from female to male. The story touched me and I promised my future children I would support them in the same way – and I wondered, but would my future husband support them, too? I would need to make sure that he would before we got married, I thought. That’s when I realized, that wasn’t the only question I would have for him.

You could be with someone for months, even years, and think you know everything about them, and you might end up finding that you didn’t cover everything that might come up during decades of facing challenges together. What’s important is different to everyone. If we had to give our potential life mate a questionnaire to fill out, what would be on it? Our questions and answers don’t have to match exactly, but that’s important to know, because then we’d both have to be willing to compromise. Are there things that absolutely cannot be compromised on? Marriage is one of the biggest commitments there is. What do we need to know before we enter into that?

Whether it’s silly little things or big life questions, it’s all important. I was curious, and I still am, about what other people might have to say about this, and after polling friends and strangers alike, I think I’ve come up with my own, for now. Beware, future suitors – it’s probably ever growing.

If our son or daughter told us they were transgender, would you support them? I plan on supporting my children through anything, no matter what my beliefs are.
Will you let me use the bathroom while you’re in the shower? No locked doors. I’ve already seen you naked, so now all bets are off.
What is something you can’t forgive?
Do you like to keep the bedroom dark or light? I have a “shades always open” policy – unless we’re changing, but even then, they’re only bodies. Darkness is constricting to me. I need window sunshine.
Will you join me in impromptu snacking sessions? It must be perfectly acceptable for us to carry on conversations as we stand in front of the open fridge together.
Do you like to cook, and if not are you willing to learn?
Are you a homebody or a wanderluster? It’s going to be hard for me to stay in one place forever. It already is. Don’t make me do it. Explore with me.
Will you be offended if I need to be alone sometimes? I need to sit with my own thoughts on occasion. I’ll love you forever, but I need to make time to love me too.
Would you adopt kids?
Will you support my career no matter what I need to do to make it happen? If my career takes me to Paris, will you at least consider moving with me as an option, rather than dismissing it right away? Things should be discussions, not immediate decisions.
Do you like animals, and would you let them live in our house? My dream is to own a hedgehog named Bushbaby and a teacup pig named Chip. We will also probably own several pugs. Please get on board with this.
What does it take to break you, and how does that compare to what it would take to break me?
Will you let me name our kids weird things? Yes, Liberty and Luna are strange names. Be willing to have ridiculous fights on the couch as I ask my growing belly if it would be ok being named Milo or Bronx.
Are you close with your family? Family means everything to me.
How many times have you been in love? It’s ok if I’m the only one. I like knowing what love means to people. I think it’s a conversation we should all be having more often.
What are your issues? We all have them. If you have trust issues, I need to know so we can work through that. It’s always possible to work through it.
Will you read my writing? Even if I’m writing about you, which I probably will be. You’ve been warned.
Are you a slob? I have OCD – you’re going to need to work hard with me on this one. Compromise and OCD are hard to meld together.
What’s your favorite Disney movie? Disney is important, dude.
Will you let me ask you if you love me a million times a day? I’m an anxious lady. I’ll always know you love me, but I need to hear it. I just do.
Is it ok if I change my mind every other minute as long as I always love you? I’m indecisive, but at least I’m cute, right?
Are you willing to go to Disney World all the time and act like a 5-year-old while we’re there? This one is non negotiable.
Will you be willing to wake up early with me?
Would you be willing to be apart for long periods of time and still make it work? I need to know that I’ll always be important enough to you to be worth fighting for.
If I don’t match up with your ideal person that you used to imagine when you were young, are you ok with that?
Is there anything about your past that I need to know before I hear it from someone else? It’s ok to have skeletons in your closet, but I’d rather hear it from you than someone else.
Are you willing to talk to me? I don’t do small talk, my dear. I’m going to ask you a billion questions about everything. I’m going to want to talk about the meaning of life. Be willing to go there with me.
Are you sure you want to marry me? Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. It’s a forever thing. If you think about all of these questions and all of my quirks and you’re still on board, then hell, let’s do this.
I think sometimes we think of marriage as very cut and dry. I do, I do, bam. That’s all she wrote. It’s not though. What’s important is different for everyone, in relationships and in life. I know some pretty fantastic people, and they gave me some pretty fantastic answers to this question. Some are hilarious and some are very thought provoking. Here are a choice few.
Can they name the original 151 Pokemon?
What are your thoughts on Sea World?
Will you get annoyed with my random spontaneous singing, or will you join in?
Are you going to watch movies and TV shows with me all day even though it disgusts you a little bit that the only reason you got off the couch all day was to get more food?
What does proper communication mean, what does it look like and how will we have it even if we’re infuriated with each other?
What kind of dog would you want?
What are your thoughts on Miley Cyrus? Because if they’re even remotely negative I’m out.
Are you willing to commit a felony for me?
Does my hair look sexy pushed back? Name that reference, or we can’t get married.
Will you let me make us a couples bucket list?
Can we have a Disney themed wedding?
Will you be ok with my Sims obsession?
You’re aware divorce isn’t an option right? We’re going to do anything to make this work so buckle up.
Do you have any family history of insanity?
DC or Marvel?
Do you like the beach in the winter?
Are you willing to accept that every year I will make way too big a deal about my birthday and expect you to play along?
Do you like science?
Are you willing to go to midnight movie premiers with me for comic book movies and read the occasional comic even if you’re not a comics person?
(And my favorite): How did you get into my house?

What are some questions you would want to ask your future life person? What’s important to you?

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