What If My Heart Had Never Been Broken?

If my heart had never been broken, I would have never been a writer. I would have never tried to write about how I was feeling and I would have never been able to express the pain. Pain is beautiful and inevitable—it is the suffering that is self-inflicted and torturous.

The sweet pain of a heartbreak would have never taught me the real taste of love and the suffering that preceded the revelation.

I used to think that if a heart ever broke, it would stay broken. And now I know it is not true, because I am too strong and nothing of mine will stay broken forever. It was only natural for me to heal unless I tried not to.

If I had to count, I think my heart has broken three or four times. They were very dramatic and chaotic times in my teens and twenties.

I never understood my heartbreaks in terms of life—I saw them as right and wrong and in terms of morality, as in it was wrong because of what he did. I always chose blame over truth.

What I never realized is that whenever I entered a relationship, I invested so much of myself in it without thinking about what I really wanted from it.

Before I involved myself with anyone, I should have thought about if that’s what I wanted in life. I should have thought about where I wanted to take it and where I wanted to go.

I think most of the time, no one thinks about what they want from a relationship or what their expectations are—at least, I never did.

I was so desperate to find someone to complete me, but I did not take the time to figure out what I needed first; instead, I expected the other person to meet all my needs when I didn’t even know what they were myself.

Before I got into those committed relationships that ended in heartbreaks, I did not think of what impact it would have on me. I thought about our future vacations and future children’s names but didn’t think about whether the person would work with my life or not.

I didn’t consider what was important to me, without which I could never move towards the direction I wanted to go in life.

My heart broke all those times because I got into those relationships without thinking and without knowing what I wanted. My heart broke because I expected those relationships to be like it was in the movies or my friends’ love stories. I thought too much about all the superficial things but not about what mattered.

If my heart had never been broken, I would have never known how to move forward without bringing moral and emotional integrity to my life.

I would have never known the kind of relationship I really wanted, one where two people support each other in all levels of life. It is the idea where two people do better than one because it involves two minds and two hearts.

If my heart had never been broken, I would have never understood what was happening to me and I would have never tried to learn how to handle life sensibly.

Life would have been a series of maybes, and maybe I would never be hurt, but nothing would have ever been real and I wouldn’t be who I am today.

If my heart had never been broken, I would have never met you and I would have never learned to truly love. I have never needed you, but I want you in my life for eternity.