What ‘In Love’ Couples Sound Like To Single People


Oh, we are in love! Just smell the air! Is it not so clean and healthy? My dear, never again will air be toxic. Pollution will always be filtered through the lungs of fresh baby lambs. Now we breathe scented puffs of cinnamon and strawberries. This is the air, my wubby dubby, now that we’re in love.

Oh, we are in love! How wonderful is every meal! Even the most awful foods are now a pure vegan and/or pure meat hamburger from the most organic of local restaurants. Fast food hamburgers? Oh you know I know how much you love those. I love squeezing your little tum-tum when you’re all done. And it’s so nice to be in love, because now those hamburgers are made of beef and grain from places where you must wait hours for beef and grain. All edible food has been transformed into scrumptious manna from heaven, my squeezy piglet! And once our bodies are done processing it all? Our waste, no longer is it malodorous, oh just how wonderful our buns have become! Instead, our poopies are redolent of spring flowers. This is our waste, my sugar-plum, when we are in love.

Oh, we are in love! Will this ever end? Work is such a trivial matter now. Without love, you and me, bb, we feared we would drift about this earth always sad and alone, like the one who comes each morning and tells you how hard it was to find a place to park. What is that guy’s deal, my dearest love monkey? We can never figure it out! But because you are so wonderful and perfect, no more does this parking spaces problem conversation make you want to die. Even if your coworker could never, not in a thousand lifetimes, explain to you well enough the spots available or, on other mornings, not available at your work parking lot, you don’t care. You now smile a secret smile, because how could words explain the love we have for each other? Work, what a silly little thing, now that we’re in love.

Oh, we are in love, and how joyful the treasures of life! They come to us in the time we spend alone. Though that word, “alone,” my pumpkin patch, no longer do we even know what it means. Always we are by each other’s side. You are not alone, and I am not alone, when we would ever want to be alone? So we spend our alone time together. You are reading a book and a character reminds you of something I have done, haha, what the character has done is like what I would do! And so you come over and nuzzle in my ear and tell me about what just happened in the book and you know how I love that. Oh, and then, I watch a television show and a funny thing someone says is like something you would say! Awww, that’s so nice, I think you are so funny.

Oh, we are in love! How we spend every moment like two tiny peas in the warmest little pod. How resplendent this is, though also peaceful and harmonious. In fact, sometimes it becomes so much we have to embrace to let it be known you are you and I am me and this is our life and can we even believe it?

Is it not more amazing than the stars in the sky? Is it not more amazing that throughout the history of everything, the billions of years, the forming of life, glaciers freezing and melting, dinosaurs going extinct, humans discovering fire, Mesopotamians beginning to farm, every bursting of hydrogen, every flaking of dust, every rushing molecule of water, everything that has ever been has all worked together so that one day we would meet and now we’re together and that just about makes me want to fall over.

But just before I do, you catch me, and instead we push against each other and kiss and hug and talk and whisper and laugh and laugh and laugh and smile and kiss because this is you and this is me and this is the life we live.

Oh we are in love, oh we are in love, we don’t have to tell anyone because they can see just fine, we are in love.