What It’s Like To Be The Single Friend


If you are single and have at least a few close friends, most likely some of them are in a relationship. I have the pleasure of being the only single friend out my handful of close friends. This can lead to many nights of eating, wandering around my apartment, and watching entire series on Netflix. I have realized that many other patterns occur when you are single while your friends frolic in love’s bliss.

You will drink, whether it is a little or a lot.

I find myself to go through phases with drinking. One month, I am drunk for a solid eighty percent of it. The next, I can barely choke down a beer. These constant mood swings with alcohol can usually directly relate to how often I see my friends or when I can go out. I am not one to sit at home and drink alone. If no one is inviting me out, I can be in a completely sober state for sometimes weeks.

You vary between either looking your best or your absolute worst.

Take this morning for example. My mother (yes, the only person who can stand me lately) took me to brunch. I made sure to put on the cutest floral shirt (which got me many compliments, mostly from straight men) and actually take the time to do my hair. After a few mimosas, I came home, ripped off all my clothes and took a nap. I woke up in a tank top, underwear, and my hair facing the completely opposite direction than what I molded it into hours earlier. The problem here isn’t that people in relationships don’t go through this as well. The problem is that they still have a significant other willing to rip their clothes off regardless of how alluring they look at the moment.

You will wonder if you are lonely.

I am not usually one to feel completely lonely. I know there are plenty of people who love and care about me. Also, I am usually one to stay inside and enjoy a good night in sometimes. I have always been this way and probably always will. My happiness has never depended on a man. This could relate to my mother and father divorcing at a very early age. But really, I like to tell people the song “Independent Women” struck me a little too hard. But when are you sitting at home on a Saturday night, going for another container of hummus in between Friends DVDs, you start to wonder if this is it. Your whole life flashes before you and you wonder if this is what every Saturday night will be.

You turn into the needy friend.

“Hey! Want to hang out tonight?”

“What are you doing tonight? We should grab a drink later!”

“Hey! I’m in town, we should do something tonight.”

These are examples of texts I have sent to friends who all shot me down.

“Sorry, I’m with my boyfriend! I never get to see him! It has been a solid two days! Love you, mean it!”

While everyone has a honeymoon phase with a significant other, it can hurt to feel like none of your friends can take two hours away for you. You try to understand and you try some more. Having not been in a relationship in two years, the feeling of not leaving a person’s side is almost foreign to me.

Once you are shot down so many times, you start to retreat. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and your closest friends start to become a memory.

None of this is to say relationships are a bad thing. Being in love with someone is truly one of the best feelings in the world. I will always support my friend’s happiness. But people must learn to also cherish their other relationships as well. The sad thing about relationships is sometimes they end. If you alienate your friends in the process, one day you might wake up, and no one will be there.

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image – child is a rebel.