What To Do When The Sh*t Has Already Hit the Fan

By Molly McAleer

If you want to find material on how to avoid making mistakes, the Internet has plenty of that cautionary shit out there. I know, I write a lot of it. But wouldn’t it really be more useful to know what to do once you’ve already royally screwed up? I know I feel a lot more helpless when I’ve done something to hurt somebody that I love than I do when… absolutely nothing wrong has happened and I’m just surfing the Internet for funballs.

So this is for you, girl who lied to her boyfriend about something that you thought would pointlessly hurt him/cause drama only to have him find out about it and feel completely betrayed. This is also for you, guy who started dating your homie’s ex-girlfriend without letting him know and now nobody invites you to poker night anymore.

TAKE ON THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF BLAME

Own your part in the situation 100%. Don’t get overly defensive and minimize your actions—that’ll get you no where, but don’t allow yourself to become some sort of emotional whipping boy, either. I’m going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are usually a pretty good person who tries their best but had an unfortunate slip-up.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL

Go ahead and give yourself a day to cry and feel sorry for yourself, the other people involved, the whole thing. You’ll probably feel the whole range—anger, frustration, disappointment in yourself and others, betrayal, fear. Give yourself a healthy window of time to feel those feelings because trying to let them lay dormant is basically cursing yourself.

PUT ON A BRAVE FACE

People don’t always forgive on the timeline that you’d hope they would or the timeline that you would. In fact, you may be dealing with a person who’s not particularly gifted at forgiveness at all. It blows to have someone mad at you, but your life demands that you live it. Instead of spending your time wallowing and waiting for that “I forgive you” call, keep busy and work on yourself. The best way to show anyone that you’re sorry is through your actions and self-improvement takes energy.

KEEP IT CONTAINED

Not everyone needs to know your business and it’s not necessary to bring in other parties to take sides. It’s one thing to confide in the two or three people that are the closest to you, it’s another thing to air your dirty laundry in an effort to build a personal army.

DON’T GIVE UP

This will pass the way that it’s supposed to, I promise. If your relationship can’t survive this rough patch, then that person was in your life to help you learn a lesson and you need to be grateful for that. Odds are this person will come around eventually, but if they don’t, you can’t focus on the loss. Instead remember this experience as something learned, a new dimension to your personality gained. It’s the cuts in the diamond that make them sparkle or whatever.

featured image – <a href=”http://www.amazon.com/The-Hills-Complete-First-Season/dp/B000KLQULW”>The Hills</a>

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