When Did “Talk” Become A Euphemism For “Bang”?

I was talking with a friend yesterday—no, technically, I was trading text messages with her. And we were talking—sorry, texting—about how the verb “talk” has suddenly become synonymous with the verb “fuck.” I told her I had been talking to some woman, and she mistakenly assumed that meant I was fucking her.

She wrote:

Every chick I know who says she’s just “talking” to a guy means that she’s fucking him but they’re not bf/gf …. I think it’s a way of making it sound better. Like “oh, we’ve been talking lately.” Instead of “we’ve been fucking and/or sexting with intent to fuck soon!” … I was at a party recently when my friend/s recent ex was with another chick who he’s been … GASP … talking to! And they kept saying “yeah, they’re TALKING. Can you believe that?”  … “He’s talking to HER!? Gross! … “They were talking, and he YELLED at her! Yeah! She kept saying no, but he still talked! I hope he goes to jail. Fucking Yell Culture.”

This was all a surprise to me. “Talk” has to be the blandest possible euphemism for “bang” I’ve ever heard. It reminds me of the King James version of the Old Testament, where “to know” basically meant “to fuck.” When you “know” someone in the biblical sense, that means you’ve fucked them:

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived.

So “knowing” someone in the biblical sense is the same as “talking” to someone in the online sense. Good to know. Sorry—I mean, good to talk. I mean, good to fuck.

Do you at least wear protection when you’re talking to her?

They stopped you and wrote you up for a third DUI? Dude, you’re talked.

I told her we needed to talk, and she charged me with sexual harassment.

Still, it doesn’t have quite the same sting when you tell someone to go talk themselves.