When I Realized It’s Impossible To Blame One Person For Cheating


My past home was once engulfed in the flames of infidelity and betrayal that manifested between my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with.

I hated this girl for allowing my significant other to be so careless with our home, as I watched what we built from scratch burn to the ground. She was so thoughtless, so heartless. How dare she set our house ablaze?
But then I met a man who already had a home and this time, I was the one who lit the match.

I never intended to wreck a home that was not mine…to destroy all of the memories tucked away in each and every room. My own home had been burned to the ground because of another’s carelessness. Who was I to make the same mistake?

It doesn’t feel like you’re doing something wrong when he comes out of left field. It feels so innocent since you didn’t plan on meeting someone new that day. You’ll play with the word “fate” for a little while, but eventually chalk it up to a mere coincidence.

The first candle is lit.
You continue seeing them at the place you met, playfully flirting during the brief conversations you share. It still doesn’t feel wrong, as you justify both of your actions as being social, outgoing people.

Two candles are lit.

The next time though, you decide to exchange numbers and continue your playful interaction outside of the place you met. It still doesn’t feel wrong since you rationalize it as two people being friends who just so happen to now talk all day, every day.

A handful of candles are lit.

It doesn’t feel wrong because physically, no boundaries have been crossed. His girlfriend couldn’t possibly be mad. He wasn’t “cheating” I’d say to myself.

But the façade of innocence disappears when you both admit you want more. There is a fine line between having friends and having intentions. We crossed that line.

I struck every match he gave me, filling their home with burning candles that no one was blowing out.

Eventually, I watched the first floor go up in flames, anticipating the second level to cave in completely. He assisted me in this inferno. He wanted his house to burn down.

I was once the owner of a wrecked home but now I was the home wrecker. It wasn’t until then that I realized a home with a strong foundation never falters – it is when the owner helps chip away at the home that it is bound to destruct.

A house will not crumble on its own. A home wrecker will not successfully wreck a home unless the owner wants it to happen. Candles cannot be lit unless someone gives you the matches.

But when you play with fire, someone is bound to get burned.

I’m sorry that this time, it wasn’t me.