When I Thought Of You Today

I thought of you today. It was an unconscious effort, the way you slipped into my mind. It was like a whisper in the wind—you called my name and I instinctively listened.

I thought of the way your hand felt in mine that first time, the way your fingers would swallow my palm.

I thought of the way you kissed me under the blanket of the night sky. The way the light from the moon hit your cheeks and showed all the lines on your face. That light showed all your imperfections that were perfectly perfect to me.

I thought of the very first time your hands traced my skin, delicately and then fiercely. Those hands let me know that I was completely yours.

I thought of the way we used to laugh together, something that came so naturally. Your voice was something that took the breath right out of me. It was something that I would look forward to hearing all day, every day.

But what I thought next was something I couldn’t stop. The thought crept up on me fast, and it made all the good things that came to my mind cease.

I thought of our very first fight.

I thought of the way you yelled.

I thought of the way those lines that I fell hopelessly in love with turned from soft and comforting to something terrifying.

I thought of the first time I caught you keeping secrets from me. The things that you never told me, but somehow, I already knew. The ones that made me feel worthless and unloved. The ones that I pushed aside because I loved you.

I thought of the disappointment your face showed the first time you realized that I may not be what you wanted.

I thought of the way you started pulling away from me and the excuses you’d say.

I thought of the first time you cast me aside and the way it then became a habit.

And then I thought of our last day, the last day we were two halves of the same whole.

The day way we talked and cried as we agreed that this was the end.