When You Date Someone Who Doesn’t Understand Your Insecurity


I am insecure. I shake my head whenever someone calls me pretty. I come home from hair salons in tears. I erase ninety percent of photographs because I find something wrong with each one.

I do not consider myself attractive. But that is not your fault. I’m not sure why you take it personally whenever I disagree with your compliments. You act like I am being rude by ignoring your opinion and clinging onto mine, but it has nothing to do with you.

When I become upset about how there are prettier girls in the room, I am not accusing you of cheating. When I get mad about how horrible my face looks, I am not secretly saying you are failing at making me feel pretty.

It’s not your job to make me love myself. The fact that I am insecure has absolutely nothing to do with you. That’s why it’s so frustrating when you get annoyed at me for feeling like shit.

When I am having a hard time loving myself, when I throw a fit about how my makeup is a mess or how my skin keeps braking out, I don’t need you to get annoyed with me or act like I am fishing for compliments. I don’t need you to make me feel even worse about myself, like there is something wrong with me for having such low self-confidence. I don’t need more stress piled onto the way I am already feeling.

I know my self-consciousness is annoying. I know you wish I thought of myself as beautiful. I wish that, too. But it’s not the reality of the situation. No matter how much effort I put into my appearance or how hard I try not to give a shit about looks, I am still struggling to accept my reflection.

Whenever I freak out about how I cannot take a good picture or how my workouts aren’t helping me lose any weight, I don’t need you to act like I am being a bother by expressing my frustration. I need you to be there for me. I need you to make me feel like it’s okay to rant. I need you to listen to what I am saying even if you don’t understand how I see myself so differently than you see me.

I don’t want to feel like I cannot come to you when I am feeling insecure because you will get annoyed with me and the conversation will snowball into an argument. I don’t want to keep my emotions to myself out of fear you will judge me.

Around most people, I put on an act and pretend to love myself. I make jokes about how attractive I am and how I could have anyone I wanted. I convince everyone I am completely put together.

You are the only person who knows how insecure I am. I am brave enough to admit the truth to you. The least you could do is respect that.