When You Find Yourself, Find Your Way Back To Me


It’s been months since you left me. The flashback of the night you broke up with me still haunts me, stings me, and kills me. I always find myself staring out of the window, wondering about you. How you are doing? What you are doing? Who you are doing it with?

I loved you. I still do, actually. And I am afraid because I know that I will love you even more, even now that you are gone.

I know a lot of people will ask me why I let you go. Well, I guess I let you go because I love you way too much.

I cannot stand to keep you if you’re asking me to let you go. I cannot stand to keep you while you’re so desperate to ask for space. I cannot stand to see you cry because you are so tired of all the things in your life. I cannot stand being one of your responsibilities when your hands are so full already. I cannot stand to see you lose the “chill” that you once had.

I let you go because I saw that you needed to be alone. I let you go because I saw that you need to find yourself. I let you go because I believed in you. I believed your last words. I believed that you love me too just as much and that you want to set me free because you cannot stand to keep me while you’re a mess. I let you go because, maybe, just maybe, you will be back as soon as you find yourself. That maybe, after you find yourself, you will find your way back to me.

I didn’t want to be selfish. I set you free because that is what you wanted. I set you free because you said it is what you needed.

If destiny lets you read this, know that I still love you. “To infinity and beyond” – like our mantra. “Always” – like how Kate Beckett assures Richard Castle. I love you and I’m hoping that you still feel the same for me too.

But, if you feel otherwise, tell me. Set me free, totally. Because, as of now, I am clinging to the idea that you still do. I am still holding on to that moment when you said that you really loved me and that you still do.

If you feel otherwise, set me free.