When You Want The Person You Can’t Have

You’re at a friend of a friends party or at a local bar, with mutual friends or for an after work drink, and somehow you notice a person across the room who catches your eye. You either bravely approach them and introduce yourself or accidentally bump into them and apologize. Either way, the two of you meet. You introduce yourself and start up a conversation. After just a few moments of speaking, you suddenly realize that this person is somehow simultaneously the perfect match for you and the worst possible person for you to go after. They entice you.

It could be the way they smile when they speak to you, or how they make you feel whenever you’re around them. It could be the way they listen to your every word with attentiveness in their eyes. Maybe it’s because they treat you like an adult and you haven’t had anyone treat you that way in a while. Whatever it may be, you get the feeling of complete joy every time you’re around them. The one thought you don’t want to admit to yourself, or anyone around you, is that you want more.

There are two separate scenarios in which this can play out. Either you two meet and you feel the spark but never exchange information and you never see each other again. You think for a few days about what could have been, but you move on.

The other route however, is the friends with a lot of sexual tension but both have no idea what’s happening route. This can be tricky. You both appreciate each others company and can spend hours talking about the most ridiculous subjects, but you recognize that there is some obstacle refraining you from taking it further. You have to make the decision of whether you think that it can be turned into something more, or you can continue enjoying this person’s company, but you know there is an expiration date to the friendship.

So you decide to continue the friendship, you tell each other about your past and what you want in the future. You discuss how much you both hate people who have no common sense or ask stupid questions. You talk about your favorite movies and television shows, or your favorite bands and songs. For some unknown reason, you understand each other right from the start. You have so much in common it scares you.

The feelings you start to build up inside are overwhelming. You know how you want this to play out, you’ve thought and dreamed about it countless times. Your emotions are raging from wanting this person so desperately to say they want you too, to playing it cool around them so they never know what you are thinking. It takes a toll on your mind and body trying to place these thoughts somewhere else or on someone else, but you can’t. Every thought turns to them.

Deep down you know that they won’t ever feel the way you do, so you never tell them. You keep these feelings bottled up inside of you as long as you possibly can. You don’t tell any of your friends, but not because you are ashamed that you feel this way. You refrain from telling anyone because you are afraid that they will agree with you. You worry that they may say this person is also a perfect match for you. You wonder if they’ll ask why you haven’t made a move or even told the person yet. You question if they notice the tension between you two or if you are envisaging a scenario that isn’t even there.

These thoughts running through your head make you question if you are daydreaming about these assumed feelings all together. Maybe you’ve built up such a wonderful idea about this person that isn’t real. You continue to question every aspect of the relationship you have with this person. Eventually you will find that even if the feelings are real, there is a reason nothing has been done about them. You know the honest truth of it all is that they aren’t right for you.

If they were, they would have already made the choice to be with you. If they did care and feel all the things you feel, they would have shown it by now. Because if they aren’t, then how could they be right for you? You understand why you can’t have this person in your life, not because of whatever situation you’ve made up in your head, but because if they were right for you there would be nothing holding you or them back. The feelings would be too overwhelming to be kept inside. That’s the kind of love that everyone truly needs in their lives.

So you can’t have them, and that’s okay, you continue to be friends and enjoy the time you spend together. You can wonder and dream about all the wonderful things that could have been, but then you must put them aside. No matter what the situation is, if someone genuinely wants to be with you, they’d find a way to let you know. Put all the emotions in a folder in your head, and remember them, because maybe one day you’ll meet someone who gives you the same satisfaction that this person does now. But don’t go after them this time, it won’t be worth it in the long run. If they aren’t chasing you, they aren’t worthy of what you have to offer.