When Your Existence Becomes Nothingness


You tell yourself that you’re not alone. Your assertion is not completely false. You wake up next to someone you love or at least that you think you love. You’re not certain. You have spent many hours pondering what love was exactly and never came to a conclusion. You knew what it was supposed to look like from what you observed but you weren’t entirely sure if you felt it. You just accepted the first embodiment of what looked like love and was kind enough to stay.

You tell yourself that you have a purposeful day ahead. Your assertion is not completely false. Work awaits and work must constitute some degree of purpose. You have projects to do, people to collaborate with and a career ladder to climb. You tell yourself that these are all significant matters that require your attention. They do satisfy some definition of purpose but just not yours. You don’t know what your own definition would be though. You know what a purposeful life looked like from what you observe around and what you see other people doing. You choose to accept their embodiment of purpose and embark on a formulaic path you have yet to stray from.

You are just filling your day with irrelevant activities and irrelevant people. You are just filling your day with routine activities of perceived importance. You are just filling your day with people you aren’t sure if you ever cared for. You are aimlessly filling your day so you’d be too busy to ponder about all that you don’t know. You could spend countless hours agonizing in misery about how you never know anything and how you never know what you want. The vast amount of what you don’t know burdens you. The uncertainty of life weighs on your soul. And amongst all of the incertitude, you decide on at least one conclusive fact – your existence has become a desolate tomorrow of nothingness.