Why College Is Not The Place To Find Your Soulmate


We’ve all heard it: The story about the couple who met in high school, got married and lived happily ever after. Adjust those stories a few decades and our generation is looking at college as the end-all be-all to meeting “the one”. Now don’t get me wrong, I know couples who have lasted all throughout college, some even from high school.

My response to that– good for them. These couples are known as the exception to the rule. The rule being: how can we all expect to meet the person we’re going to spend the rest of our lives with between the ages of 18 and 22?

I’m not sure about all of you, but I am a much different person than I was when I first got to college. I barely went out and partied, I had a boyfriend all throughout high school, and I wasn’t quite sure of who I was or who I wanted to be as a person. Flash forward 4 years and I have become someone I truly love, admire, and respect. Shouldn’t that be the true goal of college? To find yourself and be so confident in who you are that you are ready to share that amazing person with someone else?

Somewhere along the way us college ladies matured slightly faster than the guys we associate ourselves with. For some of us it might’ve happened after first semester, some of us are just realizing it now. The boy you’re dancing with in a frat basement or getting shots from at the bar: most likely not your soulmate. I know, it feels like I just crushed your soul. “I spend my weekends with these guys, you’re telling me NONE of them are the one who’s going to be my soulmate?” Not necessarily, but in my experience, those are not the guys for you.

The guy you’re looking for will be the one to take you on a real date. He won’t be embarrassed to tell his friends he’d rather stay in and watch movies with you than take Vegas bombs at the bar. He’ll be polite, focused and best of all: he will only have eyes for you. Why should we settle for anything less than what we would give?

Is your Prince Charming really the guy that only answers your texts after 1230AM from Thursday-Saturday? Is he the guy that told you he really liked you then had a hickey from another girl? Is he the one who says he loves you repeatedly, but is always hiding his phone from you? I think we can all agree that while these guys can be tons of fun, they’re not your soulmate.

I used to do this thing in my mind where I’d give a guy a time period in my head. “If he decides he wants to be my boyfriend by homecoming, I’ll keep talking to him.” “Maybe after winter break he’ll come around.” “This summer will definitely be the perfect time for us to get together.” If a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you. Right. Now. Sounds so simple it’s almost stupid, doesn’t it? We tend to forget, as women, that our lives shouldn’t and can’t revolve around men. Especially men in college whose brains aren’t even fully developed yet.

Can we, as a group, please agree on one thing: the only end-all be-all person you should be looking for in college is yourself? Now is the time to learn what you like and dislike, what you value and where you truly want your life to go. It’s a time to lose your shit completely then rush to get your shit together in the last semester.

It’s a time to enjoy the lasting relationships you’ll make with your friends and roommates. Most of all, it’s a time to realize that, at least for now, it’s okay if your soulmate is the person you’ve known longer and better than anyone else: yourself.

For more raw, powerful writing follow Heart Catalog here.