Why Friendship Break-Ups Hurt So Much More 


There are a variety of types of friendships out there. There’s the casual acquaintance, the “social media” friend, the work friend, and the friend you see every few years and it’s like nothing has ever changed.

Then, there’s the best friend. The person you want to tell everything to. The person you send your goofy snapchat faces to. The person who makes you feel young and silly. The person that you can simply share a glance with across the room and speak all the words you need. The person you share music with, memories with, your deepest secrets with. It’s the deepest connection two people could share when they’re best friends. It’s a trust that not many can find. It’s a love deeper than some romantic relationships.

Not all of us are lucky enough to have a best friend. Some of us will never go through life with that one person we see glamorized so often. Meredith and Christina, Monica and Rachel, Lane and Rory; if only all of us were that fortunate.

You’re best friends because you get it. You get why the only Halloween candy your best friend buys is Kit Kats. You understand why the colors green and yellow will always make you smile. You question the same parts of the movie together. You appreciate everything about the person, and your love for one another is unconditional: And, so much stronger than most romantic relationships. It’s not a passion driven relationship. No, it’s composed of so much more.

Your best friend is one of the most significant and influential figures in your life. So, what happens when you and best friend “break up”?

It’s worse than any romantic break up you could fathom.Your life changes in a matter of seconds. Like losing a limb, you’re no longer whole.

Your soul feels like it’s been ripped apart and the only person you want to talk to about the pain you’re feeling is the person who caused it. There is a hole in your entire history when that friend is no longer apart of your life. You look back on life events that you shared, and, somehow, you have to be okay with the fact that they’re no longer there.

It’s an unbearably sad and lonely feeling when you and your best friend break up. It could happen over time. Perhaps, life had torn you in different directions and maintaining a friendship became too hard to handle. Life happens. Or, it could happen in a matter of moments. A disagreement, a projection of an individuals own insecurities taken too far. A realization that as similar the two of you are, is as different you’ve become.

Numb, bereft, confused. You become so still when you realize all that you lost.

It should come as no surprise to some that the pain is as unimaginable as described. After all, a strong, platonic, friendship requires the same amount of attention, respect, and negotiation as a romantic relationship. Consider the intimacy (seriously, think of what you’ve shared with your best friend!) and intensity of the friendship. That is never easy to recover from.

Breaking up with a best friend is final. You might think reconciliation can happen down the line. Maybe you’re hopeful that a little time will fix whatever issue the two of you shared.

The truth is, once a friendship is smashed with the same intensity that it was built on, it’s hard to go back. How could you?

Your only hope is that all your other types of friends and relationships will help you pick up the pieces.

Slowly and surely you recover. You might even become stronger from it. You find that the people who knew about your best friend, become your new close friends. Never quite the same as that best friend but, they certainly help fill the hole.

Some say, true friendship will stand the test of the time. Some claim the hurt and issues that once littered your relationship dissipate: forming a much simpler and organic friendship. For my sake, I hope so.