Why I (Personally) Don’t Choose Motherhood


“So when do you think you’ll have children?”

I can’t tell you how much I abhor this question. As a female in her early twenties, who is trying to focus on her job, it’s not an option. It’s constantly assumed that in order for women to have a purpose, they have to have a child by the time they’re 30. This assumption is not only damaging to women, putting them in a place that if they decide they don’t want children/can’t have children then they are less of a women than their mom peers, but it is also incredibly rude to tell someone what to do with their body and, effectively, their life. So because of this, here are some of the reasons I personally would prefer to skip motherhood and not have kids.

I want to focus on my career and my significant other.

If I were to have children anytime soon, it would be incredibly damaging to my career. For someone that intends to eventually pursue a graduate education, I would have no time to take care of a small human. I’m also someone that works up to 50+ hours a week, and tries to maintain my blog on top of that. Add school to the mix and you have DCYF being called on me for neglect. I want to forward my career and be able to be stable in my adult years. However, I know for a fact that a child would get in the way of that. I also love my partner, and if I have a little person to take care, they are going to get a large portion of my time. Right now that is definitely not a priority I want to add to my list.

Children are not a feasible option when you have student loans.

At this moment, I have $27k in student loans, and I have intentions of attending graduate school, so add what will probably be $20-60k more onto that amount. On average, a child costs $12k in their first year and that’s assuming they are healthy. Add that to my existing loans and suddenly I’m out almost $90k in the worst scenario. In that case, I feel as though it isn’t fair for the child. I brought them into this world and I can’t provide for them as well as I feel like I should. Right now, I have a hard time affording rent and loans as it is. Bringing a baby into that is negligent, in my opinion.

I don’t think I am programmed with the “maternal instincts” that everyone keeps talking about.

As someone who has never been a huge fan of kids, I can say with ease that I don’t like them, even though they seem to have a fascination with me. Mostly, I feel as though I would be a great “cool aunt” but beyond that I’m not so sure I would be suited for motherhood. A majority of the time I feel kind of awkward around children to be honest. Those so-called “maternal instincts” that women my age rant and rave about are incredibly foreign to me, but frankly, I’m okay with that.

The world is kind of hateful.

With bullying, inequality, and racial issues (being a woman of color, obviously my children would be of color as well), I would feel kind of guilty putting my child out in a world that is as discriminating as this one. I was bullied almost my entire life, and I wouldn’t have the heart to put a small person through that.

There are plenty of other people who want to have children. I don’t need to be one of them.

I feel like there are plenty of people willing to have children in this world that, if I were to forgo the experience, I’m sure it wouldn’t affect anything. Earth is already overpopulated, and bringing more people into the world at the rate that we are is almost irresponsible. We are using resources at a crazy rate to accommodate for everyone. Also, just because I don’t want children doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be able to help someone who can’t. I’ve looked into selling my eggs numerous times to women who have fertilization issues, and eventually I think I will.

These are just a few of the reasons that I’m not interested in motherhood and being a mom. I’m sure that there are many other valid reasons that a woman would happily proclaim that they’d rather be childless.

Every reason is valid, just like every reason a mother would want a child would be valid. Basically we should all validate each other, regardless on our stance of “to have children or not to have children” because honestly, that is only one of life’s many important questions.