Why I’ll Never Stop Judging You


I judge. It?s how I was raised and it?s probably how I?ll grow old. Of course my judging is subjected to a double standard. It?s ok for me to own all of Lindsay Lohan?s albums but if I find one Lindsay Lohan movie post 2005 in your movie collection I shall judge you. HARD.

Of course this system of constant evaluation doesn?t really do me any favours and it especially makes dating quite hard, so I decided to stop judging people and just let people be people. This proved to be more difficult than I had thought.

I met Jack at a gay bar. We were both drunk. We didn?t talk. We just made out. At the end of the night a few words were spoken. (?Hey? (?Hey?) , ?What your name ?? (?Jake.?) and of course ?Add me on Facebook.? (?Sure.?).)

When the next morning the hang over had worn off I was surprised to find out he had actually added me on Facebook. (I was also surprised to find out his name was Jack and not Jake.) A quick scan of his profile taught me he was hot, creative, loved 2 Days In Paris and liked wine. MATCH. MADE. IN HEAVEN!

Sure, he also seemed to have an obsession for all things J.Lo, but I wasn?t going to judge. I had changed! We spoke shortly on Facebook and decided to meet up at his apartment to see if there was something more to us than just a drunken make-out session. We talked while drinking red wine and naturally ended up making out. Later, on the way home I was in heaven. I could REALLY see him becoming my boyfriend. Of course, he had a complete collection of Katherine Heigl movies and SURE, from what he told me there seemed to be a radical side to him (?If you?re ever stoned, don?t dare come knocking on my door because we will be over.?) but we are all different and I wasn?t going to judge!

In the following weeks there were a few times when my Scooby Doo ears pointed upwards. There was the time I found out he didn?t really follow the news (?Who is Sarah Palin ??) and he wasn?t really interested in democracy either. (?When I need to vote I just go into the booth with my mom and press random buttons. It?s SO much fun.?)

These things terrified me. He wasn?t aware of the world around him AT ALL. But I wasn?t going to judge! We all have different interests. We all have different priorities. It?s ok. So I closed my eyes and made out with him.

After two months we had reached that point where we had to decide about the future of our relationship. He wanted to make it official, I was reluctant to. I didn?t want to judge him, but part of me totally was. And so we were drinking red wine, dividing our attention between flicking through the tv channels and making out when the news came on. The news lady explained that a new batch of refugees had been evacuated out of Libya. Jack sighed.

?Great. More refugees. Just what we need.? My eyes widened. ?Do you even know what?s going on in Libya ?!?

?No, but it?s not necessary. I hate how refugees are taking over our country.? ?Are you a racist ??

?No.? He paused. ?I only hate Moroccan people.?

I froze up. Not only was he ignorant, he was also a racist. I was horrified and tried talking sense into him. He got pissed off and we just sat in silence for a while. I contemplated leaving, but thought to myself once more : ?So he sees the world differently than you do. Even if he?s a little bit racist. You might be able to change him along the way.?

So I kept my mouth shut and watched tv while he made a cheese sandwich. All of a sudden he looked up from the cheese package and cursed. ?See! This is what I fucking mean.? ?What ??, I asked.

He held up the cheese and waved it through the air.

?The text on the package. It?s written in Dutch, French, English and…Arabic! UNACCEPTABLE!?

At that moment I realised the J.Lo and Katherine Heigl – memorabilia hadn?t been a coincidence and neither was his ignorance towards the world around him. I had been right to judge him. This guy was dumb as a brick. So I fled home, never to return again.

Afterwards I couldn?t help but wonder…could all of this have been avoided if I had judged him sooner, rather than later ? Maybe if I had walked out of the door at the sight of his collection of Katherine Heigl rom coms, I could have saved us both the trouble.

From then on I decided I shall NEVER stop judging. And no one will be safe from my judging eye. Not your family, not your friends and certainly not your collection of Jennifer Aniston – movies. I will be on the lookout for anything below my unattainable high standards and I will use it against you. So, watch out. I?m coming for you.

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image – Jude Judy