Why Introverts Will Never Win & Why We Remain Introverts

Introvertedness seems like one of the greatest topics to talk about right now; I feel it is my duty as an introvert to further discuss some of the reasons why introverts might just never win, and point out why we could be introverts in the first place.

1. We get a barrage of the dumbest comments or one-liners (jokingly or not, still annoying) whenever we enter a living room full of our friends/acquaintances we ditched to watch a season of Girls alone. “Why do you hate us so much?” “She lives!!” “Wow, haven’t seen you in years!”

We still get a barrage of the dumbest comments or one-liners whenever we finally actually go out with some of our friends/acquaintances we usually ditch to stay in. “Hey guys look who made it!” “This is like so great we never go out together you’re never around let’s do this every night this week!!!!” “You should get out more,” and all sorts of other things that make us realize that’s why we never go out with them in the first place.

2. We work really hard to come up with an excuse to get out of something. Sick at the last minute? A sister suddenly shows up at our door? The neighborhood psycho escaped and we don’t want to risk it?

We work really hard to come up with an excuse to get out of something only to have the other person beat us to the cancelling (this is the only thing that can be considered a win, sometimes, because then we’re not necessarily the bad guy).

3. We watch all of the good stuff on Netflix in roughly 6 months.

We watch all of the good stuff on Netflix in roughly 6 months.

4. We schedule ourselves around one night out for the next week with a friend we haven’t seen since we graduated high school, and then stress a lot about it all the way up until we’re standing right in front of the other person.

We schedule ourselves around one night out for the next week with a friend we haven’t seen since we graduated high school, and then accidentally don’t even make it to the date because we accidentally wrote the wrong time, because we were already stressing about said night out.

5. We’re spending most of our time avoiding speaking up because small talk or people with large opinions and strong conversational skills often are the worst things to ever happen, ever.

We’re spending most of our time avoiding speaking up. This one can get to a deeper level, or even situational. Sometimes we have cool or interesting or deep things we want to talk about but either can’t or don’t because we’re not with our very best friends and we’ll immediately be dismissed as “too intense” by all of the morons we’re surrounded by. We can’t or don’t when the people around us are super loud and talk nonstop about boring things, or they’re really quiet and literally don’t even have anything they want to talk about. Mindy Kaling once said this and it can totally be applied to something like this: “The hell of the modern dinner party is that interesting people never want to talk about themselves and boring people ask no questions.”

Whether you can relate or not, these are probably my personal top five. I think we’re all winners deep down, so you go ahead and keep screening calls, avoiding shows that have include audience participation, and hoping that nobody asks you to do anything the same weekend of the Oscars.