Why We Need To Stop Making Checklists For People

Perfection, the ultimate goal. We all want it. We chase it. And we’re disappointed when we don’t get there. But hasn’t life taught us that nothing in life can be perfect? It can be good, really good, but never perfect. Don’t we appreciate the summer heat so much more after a long hard winter? Don’t the daylight hours make us nostalgic of the cool calm night?

Why then do we believe we can keep searching for the perfect partner?

Life is fluid, the only constant we can count on is change and yet we stick to this image in our head of what our ideal partner will look or be like. We form lists in our head of what the perfect person will say and do to give us a hint that they are “the one”.

He’ll be kind, a good listener, ambitious, and laugh at all your jokes.

She’ll be beautiful, never complain, cook, and let you hang with your friends.

What is the appropriate scale by which to measure your significant other? If love is about kindness, acceptance, and trust how can that be measured by some sort of checklist? If we are looking for how well someone matches up to our expectations that would lead us to look out for and take note of the positives vs. negatives rather than accepting the person as a whole. It will have you comparing this person to your past or the haunting ghost of your expectations.

And don’t we all just want to be enough?

No love story is perfect. The unpredictability is what draws us to hearing the unique stories all around us. The mystery and magic are in two people coming together and against all odds, choosing to grow and face adversity together. It is when the two people take their eyes off of the common goal, that things change. Seldom is the reason for a break-up anything other than that.

Infidelity, inability to communicate, financial complications, all problems that stem from losing sight of what actually matters, that the two of you are together. To build, to grow, to overcome.

Love is a choice you make everyday that no matter where you are going and whom you will meet there is one person you want to take there with you. Formulas are for science. Complications in life never end so even if this person passes your preliminary tests and guidelines life can be shaken up by many different factors and if all that’s holding the two of you together is how well they measure up to your “standards” the relationship may not survive real life.

Love makes things beautiful. By doing things with love you breath new life into it, or in this case, someone. So I challenge you, love. Love so hard the one you love has no choice but to be better.

Maybe your love and support can challenge them to do things they would not have otherwise, to unlock parts of their character not visible to the rest of the world.

I don’t condone settling. But by not settling I’m referring to the quality of love you accept. It should be nothing short of the all-consuming madness that makes our hearts sing.

“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”
― Oscar Wilde

“She deserved better, so I became better” – A man in love.