With You, I’m Risking Heartache And Wasted Time

I know I like a man when I can be myself around him. When I can eat a lot in front of him, and remain unconcerned as I take another bite of that delicious meal. When I can laugh so hard that my gums are showing and I seem to make no more noise. When I wake him up at 5:30 in the morning in just a t-shirt and boxers, and I do not care about how I look — that’s when I knew I liked you.

I like your face, too. And your competence. You rarely give compliments, so I know you’re sincere about it when you do give one. You praised me once or twice, and I was giddy for days. But that’s about it.

I shouldn’t like you because I am fully aware that I have no chance. My thighs jiggle often and my hair’s dull. I’m unlike other girls. I have no chance because I keep putting up walls that I know you will effortlessly break soon. I shouldn’t like you because I know that in the end, the only thing I will get is heartache and wasted time. I think of what you’re thinking of, and I know it’s not about me. I shouldn’t like you because I am fully aware that I have no chance — but I still do.

We’d talk about random things, like what worries us, or some random facts. You’d share his goals and dreams, and I’d ask you why. Then you’d ask me what my dreams are, too.

Little did I know, I like you, not just because of the sole reason that we share the same taste in music genres or because I can be green-minded around you, but because you’re competitive. I realized that I get to benefit something as well, not just heartache and wasted time — but also inspiration. You motivate me.

My friends say that I’ve been radiating some kind of glow, then they’d joke around if I already belong to someone. My heart does, technically, but I always shake my head and shrug it off with a smile. My grades went up as well, specially when we’d study together. And so I put my trust in you; after all, you are my source of progress.

You push me to do great. You make me do things I thought I could never do, and he doesn’t even know it. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to stop liking you: because deep inside I know you’re a vitamin, and not some poison.