You Are Your Own Worst Enemy

You may be sitting at your lunch break from work, in the middle of class avoiding lecture, or lying alone in a bed that used to be occupied by two people with tears quietly welling up behind your bright eyes and a harsh sensation creeping up your throat. Your nights are occupied with seclusion and your heart is wrecked into pieces that can never be fused back together without flaws no matter how hard you try. Every morning, you paste a sweet smile on that beautiful face of yours to let society know that you are okay. Well guess what, you aren’t okay. Behind closed doors, you are absolutely lost and you believe there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.

Oh, how I wish I could reach through your screen and give you the maternal embrace that makes you shed tears instantly. You, yes you, deserves someone who will sit silently next to you as you stare blankly at the familiar bedroom wall with tears continuously falling collecting at your chin. You deserve someone that holds you delicately until you decide to start murmuring words faintly. You deserve to move forward and be the best possible version of yourself and if you do not see that now, it is okay. Sit there silently, cry, scream, or beat that pillow you used to share with whom you thought was the one. Listen to the music that somehow demonstrates your emotions in melodic form or watch that romance movie that is so melodramatic but mimics your exact state, like it was somehow filmed just for you. Hell, you could be the leading actor or actress.

Each story is distinctive. Whether your tale was an abrupt onset like strange tap on your delicate naked shoulder or a bubbling eerie feeling deep within your gut, I am truly sorry. You do not deserve what you are going through, you do not deserve to spend your nights crying yourself to sleep. But, can I promise you one thing? You will appreciate love and happiness now. Not one person can truly value cheerfulness and adoration until they have been chewed up, spit out, and treated like trash.

You want to be strong. No, you need to be strong. Your friends are all happy with their relationships, so who are you to be the burden repetitively complaining about how the carpet was snatched rapidly from underneath your feet and how you were left in the dirt. After all, this person that turned their back was your other half whom you once trusted completely and wholeheartedly, right? Let me give some advice and you probably will not like it, break down that wall you have so meticulously constructed. Invite in the one who has been sitting on their ass outside, waiting for a chance to see how extraordinary you really are. You are terrified to be disappointed, damaged, and kicked to the curb once again.

Reader, there is a time to stand tall against your fears and that time is now. You are your worst enemy. Move on from the feeling of disparity, go look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worthy to feel blissful again.