You Can Never Truly Have What You Cling To


I was talking to my friend on the phone the other day about a decision I was trying to make. I had no idea what to do, I felt like I was the girl about to graduate High School who got accepted into the two top colleges and had no idea which one to choose. In life, most of our decision making comes from the place that is in charge of ensuring our survival, it’s only natural that our brain wants us to choose whatever thing is the easiest, or the least threatening. My friends advice was simple, yet it gave me every bit of guidance and all the answers I needed.

“Close whichever door you are clinging to,” he said.

Not only are we unable to truly love what we believe we cannot live without, but we can never fully have it either. When we are faced with things like obsession, addiction, dependency, etc, we are so consumed by our thoughts and the, “I need ___, in order feel ___” mindset, we aren’t open enough or logical enough to see things for what they are – nor is there room for them to evolve.

The truth is, we can’t even fully live, let alone be present, in the face of our need for certainty. We have to learn how to cling on to absolutely nothing, so that we make room for the life we are living. 

When my boyfriend and I broke up for a year, I spent the entire year wanting the relationship back in my life. I could not go on dates, think about other things, or do anything because my focus was always on him and how things could be better. It wasn’t until a year of being broken up, me finally dating someone else, and my mindset being, “I can’t force this. If that relationship is meant to gravitate back to me, it will,” that he reached out and we got back together. I know things don’t always happen like that, but it only had the chance of happening again, because I wasn’t perseverating on my need for it to.

When we live our lives from a space of being open and purely focusing on our own faith and gratitude, we leave room for things to happen and things to align. Miracles need space to unfold, not suffocation. When we do not cling to things, we live from a place where we are open, hopeful, and free to be in the present – and that space is where the magic of life happens.