You Might Be An Addict If…


Face it — you are an addict.

Don’t worry, it can happen so easily to any of us.

But, change is just around the corner.

Here is how to notice the signs and start making some positive steps towards recovery.

You know you have a problem with…

Drinking, if you slowly start adding small amounts of wine to your breakfast smoothies before quickly removing the rest of the ingredients, giving away your blender and spending your days weeping uncontrollably while looking at your high school yearbooks.

Gambling, when family confronts you that you are gambling too much and you insist on somehow placing a wager on that.

Video Games, if you start to believe that you live in an actual World of Warcraft where it’s your Call of Duty to launch a Counterstrike against your friends, who refuse to join with you and form a literal League of Legends, as they continue trying to crush your Final Fantasy of committing Grand Theft Auto.

Shopping, when you’ve maxed out your credit cards, exhausted your lines of credit, taken out IOUs from everyone you could and your dreams are still dominated by mannequins from the local mall who call for you to “come play”.

Work, if any mention from your co-workers of you needing to find a work-life balance is met with angry barking, passive-aggressive comments about their mothers and tasering.

Sugar, if, when your roommates are out, you cover the kitchen floor with sugar, undresss, and roll around in this white, crystallized gift from God, before putting on the best vacuum cleaner impression this side of the Mississippi.

Cleanliness, if you insist on meticulously cleaning the house daily using nothing but a fine-tooth comb, toothbrush and a teeny tiny feather duster all of which your mom claims are imaginary.

Sex, if everything gets you in the mood including, but not limited to, dryer lint, greasy frying pans, hairy gorillas on nature shows and grass clippings.

Stealing, when you are such a pro that you only need three fingers to get the discount.

Fame, if you crave the spotlight so much that you pay a small team of homeless people to follow you around with orders to give you standing ovations on your command.

Drugs, if your regular Friday night companions start to closely resemble a potted plant, a lava lamp and a movie poster who constantly have a serious case of the munchies.