You Were Never Allowed To Be Weak


You’re not allowed to cry. You were taught to be strong, and strength is all you’ve shown the world that you know. Perseverance is all you’ve ever been told. And when there has been hurt, you faced it bravely, and without a hint of fear. Because in life’s battles, your role is Captain. You’re the one people look up to – to be fearless, to be resilient, and to be bold; you were never allowed to be weak.

But in your human imperfection, you couldn’t always be what you were supposed to be. And when you left the room quietly, when you said you needed to reflect and to recharge, that’s all it was. Because even in those moments that were yours and yours alone, it was a betrayal to be fragile. Even when you were by yourself; you were never allowed to be weak.

And you walk around with burdens on your shoulders although you manner is resolute. You wonder what it means to feel relieved, and you wonder what it’s like to feel powerless. You wonder what it is to be soft and sensitive and still. But you’re always on the offensive. And you’re always ready to fight, but never allowed to be defeated; you were never allowed to be weak.

All you know is hardness and getting up from your feet. All you know is endurance and survival and fortitude. You don’t know how to fail because you won’t ever accept that you have. You know how to move on, and to keep on keeping on. But you don’t know what it is to be lost and in want and in need. You don’t know the liberty that comes with these things; you were never allowed to be weak.

But sometimes when others are around and they’re too preoccupied with their weaknesses – you sit quietly in the crowded room and cry silently to yourself. You wish someone would see you. You wish they’d see you as weak and failing and fragile. But no one ever sees. And so you dry your invisible tears and put a gallant smile on your face, while looking at the faces that look to you for strength. But even through that brave heart, you wonder from my time to time: Is this really my fate? Is this my past and my present and my future? Will I never be allowed to be weak?

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image – kevin dooley