You Were Never Truly Mine


If you’re thinking it’s you, don’t be confused dear, yes it’s you. We met when we were both teens. It was not an accident when one of my friends introduced me to you, I actually asked her that favor. Yes, for the first time I admit, I really liked you for what you have said on that debate. You had me on that, “Why would you court her if you’re not gonna marry her?”. I really thought you might be the one.

Meeting you was fate. And fate really had a good trick on me. I believed in fairytales once more, hoped for happy endings, and then reality hit me. Maybe, it’s God way of teaching me lessons. Maybe, you never loved me because I’m not yet ready. Thanks to you, I am now better than who I was before you came.

I don’t know why and how, but I have to reason out. I have to explain because they said, if you do not have reasons to begin, you won’t have reasons to end. Maybe it was because of your eyes. The way they shine everytime you smile, the way they flash the future in front of me as you stare, the way they bring my true emotions out as you look directly into me. Your smile. It is contagious, can’t help it. Your hair. It erased the the prince-charming-image in my head. Never knew those curls will look perfect for me.

Your voice. The sound track of my winter. Your jokes. I find them corny, but I laugh behind your back. Your view of life. It challenged me to see life in a different perspective. You actually opened my eyes to see the hidden reasons behind every decision. Your words. I cannot forget how they lifted me up and gave me another set of hope. You made so sensitive that I even feel what you feel, know what you think, and finish your sentences.

You never changed me, I improved myself to be better because you showed me how. Your trust. It pushed me to be worthy. Your epic decisions, it made me think deeper and reason out my thoughts, listen and understand what is un-understandable for me. You were my deepest why and my hardest how. You were my best friend who listens, my enemy who fights against me and my critic who never said I’m pretty. I can never explain it clearly and completely, but at least I tried.

Do you even know, I’ve waited for christmas just to talk to you again? I missed you. I missed your jokes. I missed midnight calls. I missed dog-cat fights. I missed almost being a big sister to you everytime your decisions fail. I missed you bothering me. But I am so okay with not having a conversation with you. At least I’ve proven myself that I can be more than just a crybaby.

I know you are happy right now, and I am happy for you. Happiness is one of the reasons for living. I know you always pray for my happiness, and I’ll always be thankful for that. And letting you be where your happiness is, is my way of letting you know how much you mean to me.