You Weren’t My First Love, But I Hope That You’re My Last


Before I met you, I’m just a girl who’s sick and tired of her crappy, dull and melancholic life. A girl who always finds herself fantasizing over romantic movies like: “maybe someday I’ll get to meet my own Noah Calhoun” or “I want a love like Mia and Adam in If I Stay.” Mehh, what a pity.

Then, you came and knocked on my door. I carefully looked through the peephole though, I did. But I ignored all the precautions and the fact that you’re a stranger and I opened the door for you, taking a reckless and an impulsive risk. I readily hopped in the chance of getting to know you because I felt a silly connection between the two of us. Like we’re made for each other. Like we’re soul mates.

Or like fate had our paths crossed. And maybe, just maybe, I’m right. That we found each other for a reason.

Now, here I am, madly in love with you. Surrendering my egotistical self and not knowing what to do if ever there comes a time wherein we have to learn how to un-love each other. Even the thought of it scares the hell out of me.

But I do remember something that you said: “I never want to get over you.” And I think I won’t ever forget those words.

It will be forever marked in my mind. Cause I never want to, either. Or at least not in this lifetime.

With you, I feel more alive. My heart beats faster than the usual, my jaw hurts for smiling like an idiot, my eyes sparkle brighter than ever and my mind craves for deeper thoughts that my hands could ever transcribe. And honestly, I never imagined these things. I never imagined myself writing poems and articles for the guy I love, I never imagined myself being madly in love, and I never imagined myself feeling this alive.

But you know, all of these can change in just a tiny snap. In just a fraction of a moment. That’s when you’ll decide to leave me.

Yes. When you leave, I’d just be a living corpse. Every bit of myself that you’ve helped me put together will be destroyed and put to waste.

So, to the guy who I’m madly in love with, please be my last. You may not be my first, but what’s really important is for you to be my last. That’s all I’ve been wishing for. Praying for. To end up with the guy who I’m desperately, crazily and madly in love with. We may not be perfect but I don’t care. I love you so much. And that’s all I know.