Your Relationship On The Internet Vs. Real Life


Internet: WE’RE SO MADLY IN LOVE, just look at us. We’re always commenting on each other’s pictures and statuses because we’re so connected. LOVE YOU 5EVER, BABE.

Real Life: We haven’t had sex in two weeks and sometimes I wonder if he is more invested in Bravo shows than our relationship.

Internet : Look at this Instagram picture of us at this cute sushi restaurant where there are paper lanterns and mood lighting. We go on dates like this all the time; we’re part time foodies and full time lovers!

Real Life: Do you want to order three pizzas from Papa Johns eat them in our underwear and rub each other’s bellies afterwards?

Internet: “Love spending the day in bed with my boo!”

Real: I have food poisoning from that hole in the wall burrito place he insisted we go to, but I’m so lucky I have him to bring me saltines and rub my back as we watch documentaries all day.

Internet: We’re always out with friends; we blend our social circles so well and we’re always on the go. We’re not like other couple who stop socializing, we’re a cool couple.

Real Life: This week we consumed three seasons of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and only left the house for take-out and lube.

Internet: Look at this picture of my babe asleep on me! He is just the most adorable and precious angel.

Real Life: He snores loudly and farts in his sleep. Sometimes he even steals the covers but he lets me big little spoon so I stifle the urge to smother him with a hypoallergenic pillow.

Internet: Look at us drinking mojitos at this cool rooftop bar overlooking the city! $15 dollars a drink may be expensive, but we just love the classy life!

Real Life: Want to get some $3 Trader Joe’s wine and make out? Perfect. Date night!

Internet: “Look at this picture of my baby and I at our friend’s wedding! Such a stud”

Real Life: He’s lucky I put on pants today let alone a button up. I haven’t showered or shaved in 48 hours and I may smell like a Frito because this is real, this is me.

Internet: Here is a picture of us at this crazy huge house party! We spent the night mingling and making new friends.

Real Life: Right after the picture was taken we had to leave the party and spent 30 minutes in the Wendy’s drive-through as he threw up his 1.5 beers. He also insisted on listening to Roar on repeat and kept screaming at people on the sidewalk. Love you, hon. 

image –Eleazar

Read another essay from Shawn Binder in Thought Catalog Books’ new anthology, Boys, here.