You’re Only As Good As The Last Thing You Liked On Instagram

I was hovering over some Asian 20-something girl’s phone at Starbucks, reading all of her texts and shit as she scrolled through them when she switched to her Instagram timeline. I was surprised when I didn’t care much about the content of the feed and was more interested in how she was interacting with it. She liked nothing, you guys. Nothing. Not one photo.

I noticed she was following around 250 people, blogs and MEME accounts. Mostly people, though. People that she most likely went to school with. They all seemed pretty unremarkable, to be honest. Granted it was a Thursday morning, not a lot of people are active on Wednesday night’s either, but it was mostly flavorless selfies and poorly taken photos of material possessions. Few words. Not a lot of diversity. It’s not difficult to understand why she wasn’t LOVING anything she was looking at.

Then again, it was the people in her life and accounts she’d followed because she enjoyed the content. And she had absolutely no double tap love for that shit. I’m sorry I said “double tap.” My friend does social meeds for a family-friendly company and has to write “double tap” on all of his Instagram captions and I hate/fear it so much that I’m obsessed with saying it.

I find it easy to just like everything that is not not visually appealing on some level. Or if I can’t even see what THEY like about what they’re posting a photo of. People see a like and they say, “Aw, that person is enjoying me and I enjoy that for them and for me.”

So why was this girl so stingy? I need to know. I know, like, withholders in real life, the people who pop up having not liked a photo of yours in like six months and you’re all, “Bitch, you still follow me?” and then you check and realize they’re not and that they must have been trolling you and hit like by accident. And then the drama’s on.

I know that there has to be people reading this who straight up scroll past pictures of their friends’ dogs and babies like some sort of socio. Please, explain to me why you do this. I can only assume that part of it has to do with some sort of God complex you have or that you’re completely arrogant and believe that your likes need to be earned and tailored to YOU and YOUR STYLE. You’re probably excel at setting boundaries. You probably are good with money, too. Like I said, I don’t understand anything about you.