10 Great Excuses To Give People Who Won’t Stop Asking Why You Haven’t Seen ‘True Detective’

1. You’re stuck in an elevator and the elevator does not get Wi-Fi. Well, it DOES, but you’re captivated by one of those weird programs on the television installed in the wall of the elevator. It’s a soundless show about a field day for the employees of the company that owns the building housing the elevator within which you’re currently stuck.  All of the employees are wearing fun jeans and are picking up recyclable items in a park in 1992. There is also a sidebar graphic showing the five-day weather forecast for a different city than the one containing you, this elevator, and this building.

2. Your parents changed their HBO GO password.

3. Your ex-roommate’s sister changed her HBO GO password.

4. That older dude you are sleeping with got the Starz package for like, no discernible reason.

5. You’re on semester-at-sea and despite having HBO in your cabin your TVs haven’t been working correctly since your ship sailed through that disconcerting green mist that some people are saying contained a hex from King Triton.

6. You gave up Matthew McConaughey for Lent.

7. You gave up programs with religious iconography for McConaissance.

8. You attempted to illegally stream it, but you can’t pass the CAPTCHA test.

9. You attempted to illegally stream it, passed the CAPTCHA test, but then got caught up worrying that you might be a sociopath because these CAPTCHA phrases are blatantly plagiarized from the notes scrawled on the walls of serial killers homes.

10. You get HBO, but you’re refusing to watch it until it finally fucking just admits to being TV.