10 Ways Dating Will Be Better When You Can ‘Cheat’ On Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend With A Robot
The marriage of technology and sex has already given us incredibly effective vibrators, surprisingly intimate ways to engage strangers across screens, and some impressively realistic virtual sex games. Below are ten good reasons why you should be psyched about the prospect of supplementing romance with robot sex one day.
1. You can scratch the itch to sleep around without destroying your relationship.
We tend to crave novelty as much as we crave the familiar. Over time, this paradox of human desire creates problems for the happiest couples. Even if you’re madly in love with each other, you’re bound to want a change in pace sometimes. Sex with robots will let you and your significant other switch things up without becoming emotionally invested in other people, essentially removing jealousy and other destructive factors from the sex-outside-the-relationship equation.
2. Since you’re not technically cheating, you don’t have to feel guilty.
I think we can all agree that cheating requires sexual activity with a living, breathing being who isn’t your partner. No blood flow, no betrayal. So the greatest advantage to sex with robots may be the ability to stray without actually straying—to remain faithful, technically, while fornicating with something that closely resembles another person but isn’t actually human. Getting sexy with a robot is the shame-free loophole to the whole staying faithful challenge, a worthwhile alternative to banging your hot colleague or your former boyfriend, because a guilty conscience can be a real pain in the ass.
3. You can design your robot to look like a composite of all your secret crushes.
Hopefully, you consider your real life partner good-looking. Maybe your significant other is actually your exact type. But you don’t only have one type. Imagine combining all your favorite features into an exceptionally attractive dream robot representing each of the crushes you’re secretly nurturing (because everyone has a few)? There’s no reason to pine for your hot colleague or to fixate on a celebrity when you can build a DIY heartthrob out of Channing Tatum’s abs, Brad Pitt’s face, and your coworker’s ripped biceps, or Gisele’s torso, Cara Delivingne’s eyebrows, and your coworker’s legs. In addition to curating your sexy friend’s appearance from head to toe, you can style them however you want without feeling weird about micro-managing someone else’s wardrobe.
4. Plus, you can program them to do all the stuff your partner won’t do.
Trouble often arises when a man or a woman wants to try something new in bed and they’re either too timid to ask their partner to experiment, or their partner’s hesitant to comply. A robot solves all the issues surrounding the secret desires people harbor because it will whisper exactly the right dirty phrases in your ear, and try any sexual position, role playing game, or toy without complaint. With a robot in the mix, not even anal is off the table for a man dating a butt-shy woman.
5. You can literally turn your robot on and off, too.
No matter how passionately you feel about someone, there will be times when you wish that your boyfriend or girlfriend would just stop talking or just go away. In dealing with artificial intelligence, the beauty is that you can actually press the off button and be done with it for a while.
6. You won’t have to stress about pleasuring them.
Presumably, you derive satisfaction from triggering your partner’s libido and helping them reach climax. Still, the weight of pleasing another person can seem like more of a burden than an opportunity sometimes, especially if you’re exhausted and/or feeling especially selfish for some reason. When you’re not in the mood to pleasure anyone but yourself and masturbating just won’t cut it, sex with a robot is the obvious answer.
7. You won’t have to worry about your robot leaving you, either.
No matter how often you power down your robot immediately after sex, they won’t accuse you of neglecting their feelings or being insensitive and undeserving of their love. Your robot paramour will always be ready and willing to shower you with attention and affection each time you press their on button. Hump them all you want without the risk of being dumped.
8. There’s zero chance they’ll give you an STI.
You know what’s worse than contracting an STI because you’re young and stupid and fail to use protection? Getting caught cheating because you inadvertently pass an STI onto your significant other after contracting it from the person you’re having an affair with. As long as you keep your robot clean, you don’t have to waste a second worrying about your health while fornicating with them.
9. You can trust them with your deepest, darkest secrets.
Humans are a gossipy breed. A lot of people just can’t help spreading juicy tidbits, even when chatting openly compromises their own welfare. Luckily, robots don’t have any problem whatsoever keeping mum. And they’re damn good listeners to boot. So pour your heart out or vent all you want, knowing that your secrets are safe.
10. There’s no lying required.
All the lying and sneaking around that surrounds an actual affair becomes tedious and imprisoning at some point, even for the most determined philanderers. With a robot on hand to boink at your leisure instead of caving into human temptation, you can spare yourself the burden of keeping your story straight and having to dance around the truth constantly.