13 Excuses To Get Out Of A Date Or Budding Relationship

Whoever first said “honesty is the best policy” is wrong. A little fib here and there is sometimes in the best interest of both parties. Especially when it comes to dating. If I’ve recently met a woman and she doesn’t want to be with me, I’d definitely prefer her giving me some convincing copout about how she can’t date me on account of something else going on in her life (as opposed to something like “I found a guy I like more than you, and also you kind of blow as a human being and your dick is tiny”).

We like to feel like we’re not the one falling short, and if we feel that way, we’re much less likely to dwell on rejection from who we thought was a potential love interest.

Aziz Ansari gives credence to my statement in his new book, Modern Romance, which is probably the best book you will ever read on dating. (I mean this sincerely. Ansari wrote a very thoroughly researched and interesting book that still remains as entertaining as his stand-up specials.)

A quote from said tome:

“Why do we all say we prefer honesty but rarely give that courtesy to others? Maybe in our hearts we all want to give others honesty, but in practice it’s just too damn hard. Honesty is confrontational. Crafting the ‘honest’ message takes a lot of time and thought. And no matter how delicately you do it, it feels cold and mean to reject someone. It’s just easier on many levels to say nothing or pretend to be busy until people get the picture…If we’re honest with ourselves, we realize that, however bizarre, we actually prefer to be lied to. If someone lies and says they are dating someone or they are moving to another town soon, you don’t feel rejected, because it’s no longer about you…This way, our feelings aren’t hurt and we aren’t left confused or frustrated by ‘pretend to be busy’ issues.”

So, in light of all of that, here are some excuses/lies/fibs/whatever you can use to get out of a date you don’t really want to go on, without hurting the person you’re supposed to go on said date with. (In fact, these will make them feel like they totally dodged a relationship bullet. So everybody wins. Kind of.)

1. “It’s been nice getting to know you a bit, but I just got back with the girl I was dating before you, because, I dunno, she’s hot and things didn’t work out with the other guy she was dating at the same time as me who she happened to liked better. Boy am I glad he decided to dump her for someone else!”

2. “I actually have to spend some time with my kid so I won’t be able to date much for a bit. He was just born on Wednesday so he needs A LOT of attention.”

3. “I just got put on house arrest. You can come over or whatever but that’s pretty much all we’ll be able to do for the next 90 days.”

4. “I’m getting married this weekend so the next couple weeks are going to be not so good for me. I’ll text you when I get back from my honeymoon, though?”

5. “I finally got outta the friend zone with this one chick so I’m going to pursue that. Thanks, though, because another woman showing interest in me was what got her to finally realize that her life was incomplete without me!”

6. “I’ve been going through my finances, and I really can’t date right now, as my debt level could be described as both ‘impressive’ and ‘frightening.’ So for one thing, I can’t really afford to date. And for another, I won’t go into detail, but I think there are people looking for me and I might have at least one broken kneecap by week’s end. I’m basically doing this to protect you, because I got this weird voicemail the other day where a person said they were going to ‘destroy everything I love’ if I don’t pay up very soon. Not that I love you or anything. Anyway, good luck out there!”

7. “Look: I think you’re great and all, but timing has just never been my thing, and that holds true for my current timing. See, Nickelback is starting their North American tour and I’m going to be following them all over for the next six or so months.”

8. “You’re pretty amazing, but not as amazing as my lord and savior. (I was just born again yesterday, and since then my priorities have shifted rather dramatically.)”

9. “I met somebody who is, quite frankly, a better fit for me. She does my laundry and has no real professional or life aspirations other than making me happy.”

10. “I’ve just recently gotten pretty heavily into Scientology, and I can’t really date until I’ve ‘gone clear,’ which could take a while. WILL YOU WAIT FOR ME?!”

11. “I had this plan to be an absentee father but when I saw the sonogram that changed everything, and my baby momma gets fucking PISSED when I talk to other girls, and I’m moving into her trailer with her so yeah, things would just be too complicated you know?”

12. “I can’t really date right now because I’m focusing all my energy on trying to become the True Detective studies scholar-at-large for the University of Phoenix. No, I mean the TV show. Not real detective stuff.”

13. “In the interest of full disclosure, I keep fixating on that picture you have on your OkCupid profile of you and your mom, and I’m more attracted to your mom. What’s her story? Is she single?”