13 Signs Your Cat Runs Your House



Make no mistake: This is your cat’s house. You only live in it because they let you. And you’re constantly on thin ice with that kindness.

  • You don’t have an alarm clock. You wake up when the cat is hungry and not a second later.
  • You don’t eat before the cat eats. You don’t even pee before the cat eats.
  • And when you do get to eat, that food belongs to the cat too if they want it.
  • You only dare to sit on the 3 inches of couch not being taken up by your sprawled out cat. Moving the cat is not an option, at least not an option that a sane person who values their life would choose.
  • Trying to have sex? Doesn’t matter where you are in the house. The cat will likely be sitting two inches away. Privacy is a privilege and you haven’t earned it and will never earn it.
  • You’ve actually ended phone calls because “the cat needs something”.
  • If your cat swats at you when you walk by, you blame yourself for not respecting his space.
  • Your cat has better health insurance than you do, or at least gets better medical care. (Like, maybe that weird pain in your side is appendicitis but you have no interest in paying the hospital bills to find out, so you’re just going to cross your fingers, down a bottle of Tums, and hope it works out, but if your cat acts “off” for even a day, TO THE VET.)
  • You brush your cat’s hair more than your own.
  • You’ve been out for the night with friends or on a date and thought (or maybe even said), “I should get home and check on the cat. He’ll be upset if I’m gone too long.”
  • When someone asks you how many people live in your house, you accidentally count the cat, and feel embarrassed. Little does whoever asked you know, but you counted the cat first in your head. And you also feel a little weird that the cat doesn’t actually count.
  • You tiptoe around the house when your cat is sleeping so as not to wake him, despite the fact that he has absolutely no qualms about barreling up and down the hall, banging into things, knocking stuff off of shelves, and generally making as much noise as possible the minute you fall asleep.
  • Their toys, cat beds, and scratching posts outnumber your actual pieces of furniture (all of which, to be clear, often double as toys, cat beds, and scratching posts themselves.)